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Hey, shit happened to me as well… deadbeat obese mom…
Buuut, I wanted him to have his mom by his side… no matter how offputting and lazy she is… so, we make it work (kinda… not really… I do it for the kid, OK 😭?!).
I have a shit mom and a great dad. They got divorced when I was fairly young. I still have a relationship with both of them, but thank god for my good dad because I’m not sure I would be an okay person without him. One good parent can be enough to keep you sane. So keep it up, you can do it :)
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Of course, I do it every time and at every occasion I get 😊. I love him to death 😊.
That doesn’t mean I’m not strict. He knows the rulebook, we draw and make shapes and color before TV or whatnot… not that his mom taught him any of that 🤬. She just switches on the TV and call it a day.
Anyway, he still loves having her arround… for moral support or whatever… and he sees other kids do fun stuff with mom and dad, and he wants that as well… and he has only dad in that scenario, but mom is still around… mostly… with a cigarette in her mouth and on her phone doomscrolling 😒… but yeah, she is present.
I am trying not to kill myself solwly by focusing on the kid, what he wants to do and finds interesting, so that keeps my mind off current events… it works… for the time being…
Dude, you have some serious decisions to face that you’ve been putting off. Don’t hide behind “doing it for my child,” make good decisions that are right for you and in the end they’ll be good for your kid too, whether or not there’s short term pain.
I have been thinking about it, trust me. The situation got even more complex a few days ago (I could go into detail, but it really is a long story and I would like to tell the full story with all the details, but I just don’t have the time now). Basically, I’m now left with the option of, one, stay with her and probably suffer till he’s of age to decide which parrent he wants to be with (about 6 more years), or, two, I leave her now, roll the dice for custody and thow away a lot of money for lawyers (which I don’t have) and she probably kills herself at the end (when she looses the custody battle)… the situaton is very complex, I know that this might sound like I’m overreacting, but I’m not. The full story is far far more gruesome.
And I’m also thinking about his reaction to her being either gone from his life or not very present… an oportunity presented itself a few days ago, and I’ll monitor his reactions… still, we’ll see… I know I’ll hate myself if rip her away from his life, but I’ll have to access her influence on him and does the good outweigh the bad in her… we’ll see…
sounds like you’re doing a good job being a dad, kids lucky to have you :)
I hope I am… I really do… I think I’m doing OK, but I always consult other people and elderly people that have raised at least a few kids, and then kinda make my own mash of all of the info, take into account my son’s personality and come up with a “formula”… it is a lot of work though, parrenting didn’t really come naturally to me, I really had no idea how to approach a baby from a psychological development perspective. Diapers, eating, cuddling, cramps, that stuff’s easy. Starting to teach him things, that was the hard part for me… quite frankly, I was lost… she was freaking nowhere to be found regarding this, so I had no help from her… so I just started watching people in the park with babies, while we were having a stroll, do what they are doing with their kids. That was my starting point, and it was hard, but it got easier as I got more into it 😊.
hell yea man, like I said, kids lucky to have a dad that tries as hard as you do :)
Thank you, it means a lot 😊.
Giving a young person two sets of perspective is often as valuable as having a stable nuclear family. Good work.
Thay may be true, but I can’t in good conscience deny him the right to be with his mother every day… at least not for the time being… things are unfolding as we speak and I’ll have to wait and see the epilogue of these new events to draw a concrete conclusion.
I fully believe that your babymum is a bad parent. But what does her weight have to do with her parenting skills?? You called her fat as though it was the same thing as her bad parenting.
She can’t play with him, can’t get on the ground and play legos or with cars or whatever. She can barely walk more than 100m, so she can’t take him for walks and on the playground, can’t play hide and seek, can’t pick him up, can’t hug him properly…
I mean, I’m sorry, but if your weight (something you have complete control of) gets in the way of you parenting, then… I’m sorry, but you’re first and foremost, extremely selfish, and second, a bad parent. We all have minor weight issues, no doubt there, my BMI isn’t perfect as well, I have like 25, 30 lbs plus, but… this is something completely different. Weighing 320, 330 lbs is not healthy. Having stomach hernia for 4 years and doing nothing about it, is not healthy. She’s ashamed of her body, I get that, but man, there is nothing I would be ashamed of if that thing comes between me and my kids… I’m sorry, I can’t find it in my mind to justify that behaviour.
There are plenty of 330 lb people who can play lego on the floor and go for a walk in the park. You’re conflating weight with the rest of her health. A 4 year untreated stomach hernia isn’t the same thing as being fat. Honestly, with health problems like that, it sounds like her own life is a worse hell than the kid’s. There’s no amount of laziness that makes you harm yourself like that, that’s indicative of an absolutely crippling mental disability like depression or something. Your babymum doesn’t need to lose weight, she needs therapy. Badly. I don’t think she’d become any better as a parent if she lost weight and continued having those health problems. This is the kind of problem that begins at the psychological level, and physical health would definitely follow psychological health if she started getting better. I don’t think any kind of physical intervention can permanently help someone who just cannot look after their own health that badly.
She is taking medication for her depression, but she stopped going to the therapist (no point, as she put it). You try and recommend a different therapist, she says there is no point. You try and recommend to maybe see a psychologist, again, no point.
No matter what I say, it’s always a no or a dumb excuse. The same is true for more or less everyone else that recommends something.
There is no point. You have to want to be helped in order to receive help. I can’t make that happen, she has to be the one to make that first step.
Ah, so I’m right, it is depression. Not obesity. You know, a lifetime of being given bad health information can really screw with someone’s ability to manage depression. If she’s from a similar cultural background as you, she probably spent her whole life being told that obesity causes all her other problems instead of the other way around. But trying to lose weight with all those problems is putting the cart before the horse, it’s nearly impossible. And she’ll have tried it, have found it was nearly impossible, and have given up. She’s probably thinking “There’s no point going to therapy, even when I go to therapy I’m still fat and useless”. And that’s the wrong way to think. That kind of thinking keeps her depressed, keeps her unhealthy, keeps her fat. If you want to give her the best opportunity to fix her own problems, you need to create an environment where health is discussed in a factual and scientific way. Not an environment where all those problems are shorthanded as “she’s fat”. That’s the kind of talk that gets someone into a situation like this in the first place.
She wasn’t always depressed, she used to be this very friendly cheerful person (we’ve known each other for 20 years now, 7 dating, last 6 years married), but she was always fat. That never bothered me, I kinda like plump girls actually. But, yes, she has been obese for the past… oh, 7, 8 to 10 years though.
Health has always been discussed in a scientific way, we’re both intelectuals, we don’t just blurb stuff out of our mouths, or if we do, it’s always with a “my 2 cents” at the end (I think it’s like this, but I’m not sure). I don’t think that’s the problem.
And now she’s with gangrene (flesh eating desease) in a hospital… for the next 6 months probably and god knows how many operations. Obesity is not the main culprit in this, it’s the flesh eating bacteria, but obesity didn’t help either (can’t wash what’s deep between those rolls, combine that with sweat and bacteria, she has high blood sugar, another thing that she ignored for years, and it’s a perfect breeding ground for stuff like that). She was litelarly decomposing before I forced her to go to the ER (we either go, or me and the kid are gone)… still in the process of washing everything from the bedroom, the kid and me are sleeping in the living room.
She did lose weight when we were trying to have a kid, no doubt there, but that took so much enegry from me… she needs constant support and resurrance and love and hugs and converstaions for the same things, over and over again… I just can’t do it any more, it’s not just the 2 of us any more, the kid needs attention too, and that comes first in my book. Plus, as I said, I’m just tired of doing all that. She’s a grown up, she can take care of herself, I’m sorry, I’m just done. I gave up freelancing and a REALLY GOOD second income in order to be here for my kid instead of just being the dad that always works, I am not going to throw that time and energy (again) on her.
Was this on Reddit? I know there are some communities there that actively reward users with upvotes for ragebaitey content.
Oh you mean all of them?
Yep, reddit content… just thought it was intersting.
I know we are the BetterThanReddit website, but let’s not act like Lemmy is immune from this
Lemmy isn’t any better than reddit is.
Damn Ragebait.
People probably post ragebait here too, but there’s a built-in incentive on Reddit, particularly on subreddits like AITA or the Tenth Dentist, where users are encouraged to up vote the most ‘interesting’ posts, even if they find it offensive. Maybe the equivalents here also have this policy, but upvotes mean a lot more on Reddit than here—some subreddits require a high amount of karma to post, and posting something that’s guaranteed to get passed around and upvoted a ton can get people enough karma to make many more posts, have a buffer in place in case a different comment gets downvoted, or just want a lot of karma for bragging rights. Hell, you can even monetize upvotes now, in some cases.
Here on Lemmy, upvotes mainly just pass your content around for the sake of passing it around. Maybe there’s an algorithm that is more likely to push an unrelated post you made to the top, but the benefits for posting ragebait here aren’t as many as they are on Reddit.
Gotta be trolling, right? Right?
Well, those pregnancy hormones can bring on some unhinged thought patterns but this is Disney villain levels.
Yeah, the fiancé misspellings give it away, too intentional.
It also seems like they want someone to reply “*fiancé” so people can reply in turn like “out of all the problems you could have with this story…”
It might be, but the wicked step-parent stereotype is unfortunately very grounded in reality.
“AITA”
But yeah, I don’t think this is real.
It sounds too extreme to be real.
That said, my mother lost her mother when she was 4 years old. Her mom took her own life, my mom witnessed the aftermath and was already traumatized as hell.
My grandfather remarried and that woman did everything she could to get rid of my mom.
People can become better, and my step grandmother did. She apologized to my mom and owned what she did, and she was pretty good with me and my siblings when we were growing up.
The shit she put my mom through was insane. She told my mom that her mom was in hell burning because she killed herself. My mom and her step siblings got lice at school and she shaved my mom’s head but not theirs (12 years old too, so she got bullied on top of that humiliation), told my mom she looked too much like her mom and was ugly (and honestly, my mother was one of the most beautiful people around. When I was growing up I heard comments constantly, “Bro! Your sister is hot!” “That’s my mom jackass!”)
The list goes on and on. She succeeded in getting rid of my mom when she hit about 13. My mom’s youngest sibling was more than 10 years older than her, so she spent her teens moving around between her older brother and sisters until she married at 16, and has been on her own since.
Yes, the evil stepmother trope certainly exists for a reason. I myself had… well there’s plenty of evil to go round. Can I interest you in a chocolate covered pretzel? If this one doesn’t ring especially true to me, that’s not to say these people don’t exist.
Yeah, probably Poe’s Law. Probably.
I’ve known people this vapid, even if it’s fake, this has absolutely happened.
Man, is that guy screwed. What a horrible, horrible person. And he’s having a kid with her so she’s going to be in his life even if he bailed on the marriage (which I hope he did).
I drink a lot. Mostly to forget.
But sometimes I drink so much, I don’t remember what I was trying to forget.
Now I remember.
I need a drink.
jokes aside please don’t let this shit be real
Bait
100%. People like this exist, but they’re rare and they know better than to admit to this shit blatantly.
Are they that rare? And do they really know to keep things like this under wraps? It seems like our social filters have all gone out the window the last eight years.
She can’t spell fiancé correctly despite several attempts and having autocorrect. I think it’s entirely possible that she’s just dumb, selfish and insecure.
Yeah, there’s a reason fairytales like “cinderella” exist
Some people shouldn’t have children.
Well that’s fairly rage inducing.
Everybody is like “This is totally rage bait!” and while, yes, it probably is, this is more common than you’d think. My step-dad tried everything to get my mom to give me up. And treated me like shit. She stayed with him and had two kids by him, but I grew up being treated like an afterthought by both of them. Now I’m 30 and no contact with my mom, meanwhile he’s six feet under. And he deserved it.
Man… excuse my French, but your mother is… I would rather not say it…
A bitch
he tried everything to give you up except for leaving the fucking relationship apparently.
Comedy writes itself sometimes.
This troll has to be so happy to see their troll post still lives. Let it die.
This is literally the plot to Snow White.
Shit posters are gonna shit post.
You’d think they’d talk about this before she got pregnant.
Not enough real world social engineering dating experience leads to this… as it did with me as well.
So the poor guy can escape? Nah gotta chain him before you reveal how horrible you are.
Is she a telenovela character?
Or maybe a bear or something
This reads like most fake-ass rage bait on reddit. Please tell me Lemmy isn’t going to start lapping this shit up too…
My advice is that she get help from a therapist that specializes in cluster B personality disorders. Preferably all of them 'cuz holy fuck.
