Ouch. The Onion: this is effectively just reporting on real events…
This is their section called “American Voices” where the story is a real, actual event that happened but commentated on by satirical representations of Americans.
And it’s always those same people
It’s not always the same three people shown here, but yeah, they pull from a very small pool of at least six fictional people.
The occupation and names I think are random and usually a joke, too.
It’s usually the same people in real life too.
If you don’t want to be executed, maybe just don’t be vaguely associated with the crime?
Have you tried being white?
Hey Missouri. Get fucked, you shithole state.
I think you bit the onion
I sure did. I regret nothing.
this could be in c/nottheonion
The story is real in the American Voices features but the commentary is satirical
Oh, right! I get that, but it’s just so on the nose that it could be in either. Sadly, it’s not satire.