You’re definitely not the only one, since you’re not gonna notice the other people keeping it to themselves, because they’ll be keeping it to themselves.

That said, some people just… Don’t. And learning that level of self-control is hard. If you don’t have the skill, feelings can seem uncontrollable and inevitable. Confronting such a person with a request that they do something (control themselves) you know is possible, but they think isn’t, often leads to bad results. Instead, you need to trick them into learning the art. That is, if they aren’t so bad they straight up need anger management classes.

Apologizing after the fact is something we who actively consider others, and think about what the world is like for people other than ourselves, do naturally. But some people completely lack internal thoughts concerning anyone aside from themselves.

It doesn’t automatically mean they are selfish (though it often coincides with that) but it does mean someone might have to remind them that they owe you or someone else a courtesy, because otherwise they simply won’t realize.

People tend to react better if you ask them to apologize to someone else, than if you ask them apologize to you. If a person like this was difficult with someone else, too, you might first suggest to them that they give them and apology, instead of you. “Hey, I know you didn’t mean that outburst, but I think it really bothered insert person, you should say something to take it back.” You might not get an apology out of them for yourself this way, but it will put the thought in their heads, that when they lose control, they will cause lingering feelings that will need addressing afterwards.

Some will react badly even then, insisting the insulted party needs to “grow a pair, and shrug it off, it’s not like I meant it”. They’re not necessarily a lost cause, they might still mull it over and experience guilt they might not have had you said nothing. I once successfully made this point to my mother. Instead of apologizing to me, she was telling me I can’t take every word she says to heart, she’ll say hurtful things when angry, but not really mean them. To this I responded, that she is my mother. To me, her words feel like truth, even when I know they aren’t, because I love and respect her too much to just shrug off what she said.

If the person being difficult is normally very pleasant, or in a respected position, you might make a similar argument.

Personally, when people seem out of control for reasons unrelated to me, I will literally say that, out loud. Something like “You are being difficult/rude/loud for some reason, we can’t talk like this, we should resume this conversation after you take a moment”. But this is tricky if it’s someone I’m supposed to defer to, rather than the other way around.

If they don’t take that que to apologize once they’re back to being cordial, I might comment something like “I know I wasn’t the reason you got mean, but I’d still like to hear you confirm that you didn’t intend it”.

Once you start getting apologies, you might start having conversations about not taking it out on people in the first place, these conversations (and any real talk, really) need to take place while the person is calm, and likely to actually think about what you’re saying. Again, don’t present something they might feel is an impossible task, frame it so that it’s something they’ll feel is doable. Suggest they find an alternate way to deal with the feelings, that doesn’t target a person, but make sure to mention you don’t know exactly how that’s done. You might mention stuff that works for you, for reference, but ultimately it’s a skill every person kinda has to figure out for themselves.

Or go to therapy, for.