Remember during the Obama years when Republicans were up in arms about the Executive Branch of the government picking “winners and losers”?

If you’ve forgotten, here’s still sitting GOP Senator Ron Johnson and his colleagues at the time’s words.

source

Was going on tv and desperately pleading with Americans to pretty please buy something not an effective strategy?

Did people immediately wonder, “if this is so good why do all these politicians have to keep hawking this stuff?”

Tesla, much like Elon, is giving big divorced middle aged man energy right now. Like me, I’m cool, see I got this 78 year old orange dude to stand out on the White House lawn and say “hey kids, this guy is cool” so why won’t you believe me!!

Ok I got another one of my paunchy middle aged friends to go on tv and tell everyone how cool I am, did that work? What?! People think that’s cringe… oh boy, why won’t anyone think I’m cool anymore.

Remember like 10 years ago? I was Tony Stark! I don’t know why everyone thought I was so cool back then, but I would give anything literally anything to be cool again. Why don’t people like my shitty cars that I haven’t updated in over a decade. I mean they looked cool and futuristic in 2015, what do you mean they looked dated now?!

Did you see we made some gold, and I pinky swear that in 12 to 18 months, this time they will super seriously be self driving and you can just sit at home and earn money by turning your car into a taxi. It’s so cool!! I mean I know I’ve been saying for a decade now that this super cool thing is 12 to 18 months away, but this time I’m really serious.

Wait? Is that why you don’t think I’m cool, because I stopped doing cool things like make affordable stylish vehicles people want and I spend all day tweeting and making overpriced pieces of shit? I make promise after promise after promise and never keep it? You are sick of waiting around for the super cool things I say I’m going to give you that never materialize? I mean sure it’s not a hyper loop, but I have like 20 teslas slowly driving a mile long loop under Las Vegas. It gets rid of traffic jams for like 200 people per day, unless there’s a traffic jam in the one lane tunnel I dug.

Has everyone gotten sick of my schtick of promising the future only to deliver a wet fart and even the amazing star power of sex symbol commerce secretary Howard Lutnick can’t turn this around?!

Fine, I’m going to go dismantle social security and your grandma can eat cat food until she dies in the gutter. Maybe then you’ll think I’m cool. Now where’s that Ketamine at…

Administration officials are just pimping company stocks now, huh?

Pathetic… But here we be