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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/Serrekunda on 2023-07-04 13:18:14+00:00.

Around 8 months ago my now ex girlfriend (24) of 7 years cheated on me (m25) while I was abroad. She kissed a colleague and told me afterwards. I still broke up with her and we went no contact for the past 4 months.

Last week Wednesday she sent a happy birthday text (oldest trick in the book, still fell for it), I said that I didn’t want any contact and she asked me for a conversation. I went over to her place last Sunday and we talked. She basically said she wants us to get back together, and is willing to do everything needed to achieve this. She offered to go into (group) couples therapy to help me regain trust and so she can work on her attachment issue’s. I was hesitant and said that I have to think about opening up towards her again. She said she really focused on herself and worked on her mental state in therapy the last months.

The thing is, she went to a brunch party the day before we talked. She added some guys she met there on instagram, but deleted them after our talk. My issue is, during our talk she told me that she hasn’t been seeking attention/validation from guys and been working on herself. I found out through a friend that she was talking to guys at the party and adding them on IG. When I asked her about it today, she said it’s true but she deleted them and really wants to focus on us. She did delete them tho, even before I confronted her. She admits that she was missing validation after we broke up, especially the last few weeks. But that doesn’t sound valid to me. I told her to forget about getting back together and blocked her.

Do you guys think this is too harsh? Or maybe I reacted based on the insecurities I picked up after she cheated on me? And is it worth it reconsider R? We’ve known each other since we were 12, and have a really strong connection. I honestly want to believe that she wants focus on building up our relationship again, deep down I want that too. It’s just my honour/self worth (the distinction is hard in this situation) that keeps me from going back to her at this moment.

On one hand I believe her, on the other hand I feel very disrespected that she wasn’t totally honest to me in our first conversation after four months. Especially since she already cheated on me. At this moment I’m in a bit of dilemma considering R. Normally I’m all for working things out, especially when it comes to PA’s. but I’m doubting if it’s worth it in this situation. Giving advice to others is very easy compared to dealing with this stuff myself. So your input is appreciated :)