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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/Jenjen648 on 2023-07-04 18:18:36+00:00.

For context, I’m over 3 years past the first DDay.

I’m curious how much of your living situation/work situation changed after you found out about the affair. Did you move, did they switch jobs? Did you drop friends/make new ones? Did it help?

I keep playing this quote over and over in my head lately - You can’t heal in the same environment you were sick**.** It’s taken a lot of soul searching, but I’m starting to realize that it’s impossible to heal when I don’t feel enough of my life has changed. I’m stuck in an infinite loop that leaves me feeling triggered far too often.

He’s done a lot of work on himself. I can see it and acknowledge it. He tries very hard to help me, but our lives were always very set and cyclical with his job and the kids and that hasn’t changed. I struggled for a long time before I found out, and now it feels like an endless cycle of his job, his hobbies, his lifestyle, and I have that and the affair all tied together in my head. She shared his hobbies and she was employed in the same field with a connected business. I say ‘shared’ because I no longer look at her profiles and I don’t care what she’s doing. I just know that’s how it was before.

It’s made me feel hopeless. I know I need to find a new counsellor to talk this over with. I’m really struggling lately.

I hope that makes sense. I just thought I’d ask if anyone else felt relief from big life changes or if I’m just stuck.