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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/tripledizzycheeser on 2023-07-04 19:26:34+00:00.

A little over a year now, I caught my WW having an online affair, messaging a previous partner on social media. The messages were sexual and sharing pics. This was going on for 9 months. I confronted her after seeing the messages and she seemed very remorseful. I left for a week and she pleaded and begged for me to forgive her and come back.

She says she made a very poor decision and at that time she wasn’t feeling sexually desired in the relationship, felt validated when someone else gave her attention and thought she was sexy.

We are both in IC and in MC also.

We are trying to reconcile and there have been ups and downs. I do feel like we are making a lot of progress and this has a lot to do with her effort. I can tell she really wants to make it work. Part of my issue has been sexual attractiveness to her. I used to have no problem getting aroused by her or finding her sexy before the affair. However, it has now been an issue for me.

We do have sex 2-3 times a week but I’m really not that into it. I avoid making out with her because it turns me off now. I also have difficulty maintaining arousal or getting to completion.

My WW has had self-image/self-esteem issues, especially when it comes to her body. When she says negative things about her body or asks “am I fat?” I am starting see all those unattractive things she talks about. I never had an issue with this in the past and always reassured her she was sexy and attractive. I genuinely beleived her to be. But now, it is like the blinders I had once worn have been removed. It feels like I need to force myself to find things attractive about her.

After discovering my wife’s betrayal (with her gross fat AP), I used that as fuel in the gym and became obsessed. I completed three marathons this past year and will be running my first ironman next month. A lot of my close friends have commented how great I look and are impressed with my commitment to training.

With all this work I put in at the gym, I think I have now become a vain person. I have never been critical of my partner’s appearance but I now have internalized comments in my head that I can’t shake and wish I didn’t have them. I now find myself attracted to different body types than hers and I know this would devastate her if I told her.

Thanks for listening. I just wanted to vent about the arrogant and vain person I have become after the affair.