That’s all it took. The crisis has actually been over for ages ever since I have stopped eating meat. I’ve done it.

you should be good

Good news, the planet is now no longer on a direct course towards being rendered inhabitable due to being destroyed for profit. I. AM. GOOD.

Problem solved. Thank you so much on behalf of all future generations of the planet.

“Wouldn’t it be great if everybody gave my AI company money?”

“For doing what?”

“… I don’t follow.”

“Okay, but I don’t see why we can’t revisit my suggestion to send the Pinkertons to all owners of the original version and have them break their kneecaps if they don’t give us all the money they have.”

“With all due respect sir, that is… Have you read the brief that Legal sent you on that matter?”

“I skimmed it… but I’m not convinced.”

By God, you’re right! It was me all along. I am to blame for Climate Change! Sorry guys. I’ll stop Climate Change this instant. Sorry again.

They’re instead letting an AI generate their stock price. It is a number now.

Curse those pesky Democrats! I bet they turned all their windmills towards Florida and now it’s blown away by all the wind the windmills blow that way! Yarrr!

Sounds good. I’ll start by telling all my corporations that blast the majority of CO2 emissions worldwide into the air to slow it down a bit.

I’ll take full credit for any virtue signalling buzzwords like “addressing the suffering of the American people” and all the attention my dogwhistles get me. Any negative results like bomb threats and hate crimes do not exist. Also, they very much exist and are the Democrats’ fault, who are evil because they make up lies for attention.

Also known for inventing the phrase “lend me your ear”.

The bridge crew all fall out of their seats, some consoles explode and one ensign will have to go to sick bay with burns on their- oh. Oooh, nevermind.

I am sorry that kicking the Eurotrash invaders and their descendants off your continent didn’t work out for you and in the end you were jammed into special reservations without being reimbursed for all the land theft after all.

I bet during pride month, the group huddle before a match consists of an aging coach sharing strong opinions about L.G.B.The-Lot-Of-Them-Are-All-Filthy-Liars-And-Predators-Every-Last-One-Of-Them.Q people.

Oh no! Are they still able to provide the maximal amount of labour for their handlers? I hope their profits aren’t affected negatively.

Won’t somebody think of the profits!

“The grapes I stole to make this wine are waaay too sour anyway!”

Combine it with the semi-adjustable GAMER wrist-proximity-fixation devices (also available in plush) as well as the the GAMER lumination-induced eye strain block face-covering mask device for best results.

Sacre bleu! It’s almost like the free speech warrior does not know that the other aspect of free speech besides speaking freely is being able to choose whom to listen to! Does he think free speech means being forced to listen to specific people speak?

Surprised. Pikachu. Face.

If the enshittification works, it will be an ad service offering videos on the side (if you pay up).

The next tesla model will have a coal oven inside it. Will still run on electricity, the oven is just in there so you can do some pollution too. The main factor in making the electric part palpable to republicans will be telling them how brown people are being exploited to get the materials for the batteries out of the ground.

Intern’s name is Guy. Fall, Guy.

There’s a difference between properly funded nuclear power under lab conditions and capitalistically bled-dry, money-before-safety , decrepit cash-grab reactor junkyards that end in leaving miles upon miles of land unusable for generations though.