Let’s write an episode of Frasier, one line at a time!

Thanks to everyone that joined in! The first scene of our episode has concluded! This was a fun experiment and I think overall it went great! It’s at least a very believable plot so far with some excellent lines that genuinely made me laugh. I can’t say the same for our characters, however. I’ve left the full scene’s script at the bottom of this post.

• What will become of our rhyme bustin’ L.L. Cool Fred?
• How will the household manage the chilly winter storm?
• How will the household handle the always chilly Lilith?
• Will Daphne ever finish her puzzle and save the London transit system?

Find out next time on Lets Write An Episode!

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After a surprise snowstorm, Seattle is snowed in! Niles has separated from Maris and is spending some time at his brother’s apartment for company. He and Frasier are in the kitchen, Martin and Eddie are watching TV, and Daphne is doing a puzzle at the table.

There is a knock at the door…

Martin “Daphne, would you mind getting that?”

Daphne “Hold on, hold on. I’ve just about put the London Bridge back together.”

Daphne places another piece of her puzzle then scurries to answer door

Lilith, damp from the snow, enters. Frasier and Niles emerge from the kitchen

Frasier “Lilith! What are you doing here?"

Niles “Well this explains the cold front.”

Audience laughs

Lilith “As much as I’d like to return with a clever quip back to you Niles, I’m here on serious business. Frasier, it’s about our son.”

Fraiser “Freddy? Has he been hurt? Oh, I knew that sending him to Sonnet Camp over Christmas break was asking for trouble!”

Lilith “No, Frasier. This problem is much worse. Fredrick insists that he is not going to college.”

Martin “Well, nothing wrong with that. I never went to college, and look how I turned out.”

Fraiser Frantically “Sherry, Niles?!”

Frasier Nervously pouring drinks for Lilith, himself, and a visibly devastated, nearly catatonic Niles “Dear god, but Frederick has always had academic aspirations. Remember when he was six years old and he wanted to dress as Archimedes for Halloween? What on earth could he possibly wish to pursue now?”

Lilith “He wants to be a rapper.”

Niles Visibly confused “He wants to work at the mall?”

Frasier “Not a gift wrapper, Niles.”

Martin “You mean like that MC Hammer guy?”

Lilith “Precisely.”

Niles “I wonder what Freddy’s pseudonym would be? MC Escher, perhaps.”

Daphne “Well I think it’s wonderful! A sensitive young artist exploring his talents. More of our young people could stand to bring a bit of art into this world.”

Lilith “He says you inspired him, Frasier, with your career in show business.”

Frasier Outraged “Show business?! I am not some vaudeville performer! I am a doctor! I went to medical school!”

Martin “Didn’t stop you from being on radio, did it?”

Niles “Yes Frasier, perhaps your dalliance with the glamour of the airwaves sent the wrong message about a career in the sciences.”

Frasier paces around the room in distress

Frasier “I have not spent decades of my life fostering a love of knowledge in my son just so he can–“

Martin: “Oh, pshaw. Let the boy do what he wants with his life. Do you remember that summer where Niles was convinced that he should become an acrobat? It’s a phase! I’m sure Freddy will grow out of it once he realizes that he’s no MC Eastwood.”

Lilith "But Frederick is quite adamant about his choice! I would not brave an arctic maelstrom to visit my ex-husband if I thought this was simply a phase. Loathed as I am to admit it, I… I can’t handle this alone.”

Frasier Smiling, warmly clasps Lilith’s shoulders, and moves in for a hug “You’re not alone. We can brave this storm together.”

The power flickers out as the wind howls outside

Frasier “Both the metaphorical… and literal.”

Scene end