Hey there. I am incredibly sad, downright depressed and mentally exhausted.
I wanted to celebrate my birthday yesterday for the first time (maybe ever?) with lots of nice people. I invited about 30-50 people. Some, I invited personally, some just casually through groups. Lots of those people I thought of as somehow close and friendly.
I exhausted myself in the effort of preparing the party, I rented a room, I prepared photos, activities, food, music, and just put a lot of mental energy into the planning. I have been planning it for about 2 months, invited those who were most important to me back then even.
5 people showed up.
I am devastated. I was always so anxious about my birthday and never celebrated it. I think I removed myself from groups a lot in my life. And only the last two years, I’ve started to understand my diagnosis and how to communicate with people. This throws all my anxiety and pain back into my body and brain.
I don’t know how to deal with it. Especially I don’t know how to interact with the people that were important to me and who didn’t show (or those who didn’t even cancel). My past behaviour was burning down all the bridges. I don’t think I should do that. But I also don’t know how to pretend like it doesn’t hurt…
Any advice about rejection anxiety and … well, real rejection?
Thank you.
I think I read somewhere that the average adult has less than 5 good friends. Beyond that is rare to non-existent in terms of actual an “friend”.
That you had 5 show up is pretty good in one regard. I understand the disappointment though, wife and I planned a big 40th bday bash, invited anyone and everyone we knew, well north of 50 friends and acquaintances. End of day we assumed we’d get to 20.
We barely scratched 10, ended up canceling everything just due to effort and cost.
Anyway, if you’re in the Oregon area and do something like this again, I know I’m not a friend, but I’ll show up.
Hey that means a lot. Oceans and landmasses are in the way, but I appreciate you.