I heard it as little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.

I think it’s always important to keep perspective. Ultimately, you have very little control over the human they choose to be. I think back to my parents. They had influence, sure, but in reality I was the one driving. You can leave little Easter eggs in their psyche, but it’s a crapshoot if it works or not. I’ve always told mine since they were small that my best day will be the day they meet me as an equal. Both of mine held onto that and now see it as a marker in their own lives.

When they’re little, you’re something like a deity. You know everything and your word is as close to law as it gets. At some point, that stops. It felt to me like it happened in little bits then all at once.

Trauma not dealt with is passed on and someday you’ll see your negative traits (that you thought you were so clever in hiding) start to manifest in your kids. That was scary for me, but then I came realize I was no different. You’ll face yourself and that’s when you need to be your best self. You’ll fail sometimes, but that’s life. You’ll succeed too, and boy that feels great.

Self harm was the one that hurt me. It felt like a rejection of me and the world I’d constructed. It look me longer than it should have to get them help. I just wasn’t ready.

Big kids, big problems.

I dunno. Maybe that was a lot of words without purpose. What I can say is that each kid and each age comes with blessings and curses. Learn to take the win when you get them. Don’t be afraid to get help.

And honestly, giving a half a shit and not hardening your position is most of the battle.

Take care of yourself. They’ll be gone someday and you’ll be 20 years older and ready to have fun. You don’t get to have fun if you pop a hose in your brain because you treated yourself like shit for a couple of decades.

I’m just really glad I’m not fighting over them wiping their asses anymore.