So I started talking to this guy in November. I really like him and he says the same. We are long distance of 7 hours so it’s not so so bad and we see each other here and there when he’s down here for work. Anyways… lately I’ve been feeling self - conscious and scared of him being bored / abandoning me. I had a bad past with my ex (he would compare me to other girls towards the end of our relationship and tell me he’s watching twerking lives to my face). And I’ve had anxious detachment relationships with my dad as we used to fight and not talk a lot so these feelings stem from trauma.
Anyways long story short. I obviously looked through his following. Nothing bad. He was following this one Instagram famous girl who post like thirst pics and whatever (boobs popping out, tongue out, etc) super gorgeous but the photos know what they r doing lol. Anyways, she was live and I joined and I said haha my man follows you. Take in, he liked her picture 2 days ago and it upset me because I don’t look anything like her and he wasn’t even liking my own stories. How do I have other men liking my stories but not him?! Lol. Anyways, I told her that she’s like oh eww girl lemme block him for you. I was surprised and I’m like sure lol. I told her if she can just remove him from her followers list and she did. She and her other viewers were telling me to see if he follows her back because then he’s noticing it. I feel so toxic that I’ve done this and so grossed out from myself. Oh btw, she said he would always text her and send her memes and say she looks good. But she said the last time he did that was November which is when we started talking so it’s fine I guess. But I don’t follow any men who post stuff like that so I found it so annoying that he liked the picture when it should’ve reminded him to unfollow her lol. Maybe I’m just mentally ill.
We also haven’t been talking as much the last couple days because when I found out I felt so gross and then I broke down to him (I didn’t tell him) about how I’m scared of the future and what will happen (I’m seeing him in two days and he said we will talk about it in person) but not texting all day until night (work stuff for him lol) is taking a toll of me . But it’s only temporarily as he’s down here for work but whatever. I get people have lives.
I just feel like I give so much of myself and my happiness, even faking it all the time, to not feel it in return. It feels like men r so interested at first but then they think ur so wrapped around their finger that they can start showing u less attention.
But he is a great guy and he hasn’t done anything wrong except that unless im just crazy. But he does treat me good. I might’ve got too vulnerable with him, he got me flowers and I cried like…. And when he told me to my eyes how much he loves spending time with me and it makes him happy i cried too because im not used to those things and hearing those words. Maybe that was a mistake
To what end, though? What purpose will it serve if you haven’t told him that following those girls is unacceptable to you?
And before somebody tells me it’s always unacceptable, that’s not true. In my relationship, both of us watch porn, and that’s what we consider these Instagram models because they’re often selling their only fans. My husband and I have an agreement that I don’t care what porn he watches, he doesn’t care what porn I watch, we are allowed to pay some only fans subscriptions (not an unreasonable amount, and support small businesses, yo!) Hes just not allowed to converse and develop a relationship with them, and same goes for me. We are very open about it.
What im saying here to you, OP, is that if a behaviour like this bothers you, you need to tell him so he knows rather than just waiting for him to fuck up. Do not operate under the assumption he knows because you may have different upbringings and what may seem obvious to you may not be so obvious to him. Give him the opportunity to be trustworthy in the way you need.
You don’t get to 10 years by playing games like this. You get there by both wanting to put in the work, because relationships are work and communication, and most of this is within the first few years.
Additionally, never be afraid of a relationship ending. There is no such thing as “the one”, there will always be someone that ticks your boxes, so to speak.