You’re right, I’ll fix it:

[BRO] stops by the [iPAD STAND] every day, scans the [INTERNET], doesn’t buy the [IPAD]. One day the vendor asks what he’s up to.

[BRO] says: “looking for an obituary.”

Vendor says “those are towards the back of the [RSS FEED], [RIZZLER].”

[BRO] says: “not the one I’m looking for, [BITCH].”