To me, partner seems so much less clinical than “significant other”.
Partner is good because it says nothing about gender, which is good if your partner does not conform to a gender binary, but also just if you don’t want to reveal their gender either to prevent people being weirdos about it—like they often can online, especially if you say it’s your “girlfriend”—or to protect yourself if, for example, you’re in a same-sex relationship. But it also says nothing too specific about the status of your relationship. Are they your girlfriend? Fiancée? Wife? Something less conventional? If it’s not important to the story, why not leave that detail out?
I had a partner when I opened a computer shop back in the day. Closest I’ve come to having sex with him was the time I saw his wife topless through the window.
It’s also much weirder sounding. You know what sort of partner they mean from context (same as you know if someone means girlfriend girlfriend or a friend that is a girl)
Some languages - specifically Norwegian that I know of, don’t have separate words for “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”. In Norwegian we have the word “kjæreste” which can be directly translated to “dearest”. To me it always feels a little weird to use “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”, i guess the same could be true for other non-native english speakers.
Yep, sounds weird for me as well. We have separate words for boyfriend and girlfriend, but those have a kinda deeper meaning*, using “girl” and “friend” to describe someone who’s really close to me is extremely weird. Like, the days she could be called a “girl” are in the past and calling her the same term as I call for example my work friends is just weird. So in my language I do use the equivalent of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”, but almost never in English.
* The word comes from a word for close friend and nowadays basically isn’t used to mean “friend” anymore. I mean, it still does, but no one uses it that way. And even then it signifies some deeper connection between people compared to our more common word for “friend”.
Personally I (a straight person) use it in an attempt to normalize the term, so that people who want to conceal the gender of their partner have plausible deniability. If all straight people say “girlfriend/boyfriend”, then anyone saying “partner” is outed as “a non-straight person trying to conceal the fact”.
EDIT: but also, it connotes a deeper level of trust, support, intimacy, etc. A “girlfriend” is some chick I fool around and have some fun with; a “partner” is someone with whom I’m building a life together.
I’m bi, but my appearance is pretty queer coded such that cis-het people tend to read me as “unclear gay or just tech-nerd punk”. I’ve found that when I use the word partner, it can throw people off because they’re clearly fishing for my partner’s gender in a “I can’t tell whether this person is straight or gay” way. Most of the people I’ve dated have been men, but I do like the chaos energy of the confusion
I find it interesting to hear you say this, to me, partner feels like quite a warm term. I think probably because for me, I associate the word partner with a sort of “levelling up” of a relationship, where you’re not just two people dating, but two people in a partnership to help each other be the best they can be.
I do agree that it feels clunky sometimes though. I was catching up with a friend recently who paused just before the word “partner” every time. I pointed it out and we laughed at the relatable awkwardness of not feeling like you have a correct word when “girlfriend” doesn’t fit. He said that partner didn’t feel right either, but it was the closest he could find.
I don’t recall ever hearing significant other irl, though I do sometimes see it online as SO. To me, that feels more clunky than partner.
I use gender neutral terms for my partner when posting online because anyone who thinks they need to know my or their gender for our anonymous online interaction is probably someone who I would prefer not know that detail of my life.
As a bonus, I provide some safety-in-normalcy for others who would actually get treated worse were there situation known.
I don’t understand this partner thing.
Idk why, it just bothers me to hear someone say that instead of girl/boyfriend or Significant Other.
It just sounds so damn clinical.
That said, I also choose this person’s partner.
To me, partner seems so much less clinical than “significant other”.
Partner is good because it says nothing about gender, which is good if your partner does not conform to a gender binary, but also just if you don’t want to reveal their gender either to prevent people being weirdos about it—like they often can online, especially if you say it’s your “girlfriend”—or to protect yourself if, for example, you’re in a same-sex relationship. But it also says nothing too specific about the status of your relationship. Are they your girlfriend? Fiancée? Wife? Something less conventional? If it’s not important to the story, why not leave that detail out?
I had a partner when I opened a computer shop back in the day. Closest I’ve come to having sex with him was the time I saw his wife topless through the window.
Significant Other is much more specific.
It’s also much weirder sounding. You know what sort of partner they mean from context (same as you know if someone means girlfriend girlfriend or a friend that is a girl)
Significant other checks all those boxes as well
Sure, but like I said, significant other feels a lot more clinical and cold than partner.
Some languages - specifically Norwegian that I know of, don’t have separate words for “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”. In Norwegian we have the word “kjæreste” which can be directly translated to “dearest”. To me it always feels a little weird to use “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”, i guess the same could be true for other non-native english speakers.
Dearest is nice. I’m going to share that with my kjæreste.
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Yep, sounds weird for me as well. We have separate words for boyfriend and girlfriend, but those have a kinda deeper meaning*, using “girl” and “friend” to describe someone who’s really close to me is extremely weird. Like, the days she could be called a “girl” are in the past and calling her the same term as I call for example my work friends is just weird. So in my language I do use the equivalent of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”, but almost never in English.
* The word comes from a word for close friend and nowadays basically isn’t used to mean “friend” anymore. I mean, it still does, but no one uses it that way. And even then it signifies some deeper connection between people compared to our more common word for “friend”.
My fiancé asked me to start calling her partner because she was sick of being called girlfriend after 8 years
When you get married you can call her your ex-girlfriend
Thanks I’m stealing this
Don’t. They don’t think it is as funny as we do.
Been there, done that.
Personally I (a straight person) use it in an attempt to normalize the term, so that people who want to conceal the gender of their partner have plausible deniability. If all straight people say “girlfriend/boyfriend”, then anyone saying “partner” is outed as “a non-straight person trying to conceal the fact”.
EDIT: but also, it connotes a deeper level of trust, support, intimacy, etc. A “girlfriend” is some chick I fool around and have some fun with; a “partner” is someone with whom I’m building a life together.
I’m bi, but my appearance is pretty queer coded such that cis-het people tend to read me as “unclear gay or just tech-nerd punk”. I’ve found that when I use the word partner, it can throw people off because they’re clearly fishing for my partner’s gender in a “I can’t tell whether this person is straight or gay” way. Most of the people I’ve dated have been men, but I do like the chaos energy of the confusion
@NoIWontPickaName @scubbo As someone with a non-binary partner, thank you for your service
I understand the gender thing that is why i added significant other in there
Significant other sounds so nuch more clinical to me. Language is weird
I do the same, and started for the same reasons.
To me it feels like a simple enough courtesy.
Though I’ll admit now that I also really appreciate the additional privacy provided by the habit, now that I have it.
Because she’s a woman and not a girl? (don’t shoot me, im not english native. But Partnerin is the same)
In English we use girlfriend and boyfriend regardless of age.
It’s a weird quirk, but it’s a quirky language.
Some old nuts don’t like to hear that I’ve been living with my girlfriend for years.
Yeah. That’s another reason I try to help normalize terms like “partner”.
It’s so much shorter to say than “fuck off, this is who I choose to spend my life with, the details are no one else’s business.”
Maybe we could get an acronym though. That could help. FOTIWICTSMLW,TDANOEB
I find it interesting to hear you say this, to me, partner feels like quite a warm term. I think probably because for me, I associate the word partner with a sort of “levelling up” of a relationship, where you’re not just two people dating, but two people in a partnership to help each other be the best they can be.
I do agree that it feels clunky sometimes though. I was catching up with a friend recently who paused just before the word “partner” every time. I pointed it out and we laughed at the relatable awkwardness of not feeling like you have a correct word when “girlfriend” doesn’t fit. He said that partner didn’t feel right either, but it was the closest he could find.
I don’t recall ever hearing significant other irl, though I do sometimes see it online as SO. To me, that feels more clunky than partner.
It’s fine, we’re all “users” here with 0 or more “partners”. Partners are second degree users who occasionally are first degree users too.
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I use gender neutral terms for my partner when posting online because anyone who thinks they need to know my or their gender for our anonymous online interaction is probably someone who I would prefer not know that detail of my life.
As a bonus, I provide some safety-in-normalcy for others who would actually get treated worse were there situation known.