I’m 41F. I was married but separated 8 years ago. I was still young but was very traumatized and never really wanted another relationship. Lately I’ve been feeling a little lonely and would like to meet some new people but I moved and don’t have many friends here and the ones I have are younger and do younger people things (like going out at night. I’m too old for that lol). I wanted to meet some people my age, friends or dates, but almost everyone is married. I do cooking and French classes but again, only young people do that and I’m the “odd old lady”. I think people past 40 don’t really have hobbies or money to spend on them. I’m overweight so I can’t really use apps, and to be honest don’t really want. So how a single woman without kids (can’t have it) meet people?! Or do I just give up?! lol
Okay, this post is only an hour old but it already has a ton of replies. I reallly hope you see this, though. I’m going to GBF you for just a couple of minutes.
First of all - girl, seriously? 40 year olds go out all the time for drinks. You should try going out with friends so you can keep an eye on each other, but every bar go to is filled with people our age. I’m ten years older than you, and I in no way feel like an old man in a bar. If you have a next day recovery concern, just limit yourself, or go on the weekends. Just make sure you’re taking an Uber and if you’re doing solo yolo let a friend know where you’re going and let them track your phone or something.
Second, apps can be toxic but they can also be gamed. You’re looking for a silver fox type, maybe with a bit of a dad bod is my guess. Put out for some headshots or other pro photos. There’s even a lot of amateur photographers who you might be able to find on insta who would be happy to do a quick session for a modest amount of money. Do yourself a favor and get a serious makeover and some new outfits first, because it will make you feel like your best self.
Third, it’s okay to just be looking to get dicked down even while looking for something serious. Don’t hang everything on finding your next life partner if you really are just craving physical affection.
There are tons of 40+ men who are single due to similar circumstances to yours. They’re at bars, and they go to concerts at local venues. They’re probably not going to be at the clubs the 20-something’s go to, but they have their own territories.
It really sounds like you have to see yourself as your best self, and up your game with that confidence.
Oh I don’t really care only about men. I really don’t have friends here. I moved here about a year ago, work from home witha fully international team. I think this circumstance of not talking to people for days made me lonely for company, not only men. Yes dick is nice and all but I think it’s more about company. I don’t really drink much and going to a bar alone is kind of sad and going with young people don’t really fit me, I’m pass some things. I was just looking for some new ideas :)
Look for a bar where there’s more than just drinking - pool, shuffleboard, trivia night, etc. There’s always a group that’s one person short. Find anyplace that you like - coffee shop, dog park, or whatever - and go at the same time each week. You’ll begin to see regulars and then it’s easier to start a conversation because they already feel familiar. Take along a book you like, read a few pages, and then set it on the table. A book looks more interesting than scrolling your phone and can be a good conversation starter. I went to a whiskey tasting recently and it was packed with men over 40!! Seriously, like 50 guys and 5 women! Liquor stores here do free wine tastings on certain nights- there’s always a line and everyone’s chatting while they wait- is this your first time, what are they sampling today, have you had it before, …