Yeah, I recently got meds at 33 (hooray!), insane improvement, and morning brain is still like “But do you really have the severe ADHD you definitely have, or is it all just a big fucking lie you made up to excuse your weaknesses, you weak bitch? Maybe you just need 6-28 cups of coffee and 12 hours of guilty scrolling to low-volume TV to start your day, hmmmm?”
Then I finally take my damn pill, everything shuts the hell up, and I realize how completely chill I am, and capable of laundry.
Think I’ll print this out to go on the fridge, (with a calendar event set every few weeks to move its placement, before object permanence turns it to invisible scenery).
Whatever hurdles you still have, dear Stamets, I hope you’re able to keep working towards getting meds. Some fiction-worthy circumstances made my own undertaking SUCK, and it took other extreme health trials for me to even tackle the whole process properly in the first place, cause all that stuff made me a pro with “just one more day of this shit, and I can die tomorrow, right?”, but so far it’s been utterly worthwhile. We can all cry, together!
I’m 40 and hoping to start soon. Saw a psychiatrist last week for the first time and he wants to try me on stimulant medications but I needed to talk to my primary care doctor first because my heart rate has been high. She put me on a beta blocker for the tachycardia and I’m hoping to start soon. I forgot to actually ask the psychiatrist if he thinks I have ADHD but I’m assuming that’s a yes if he wants to try me on meds.
Nice! I was in a similar place with having to juggle other conditions and medication changes to be able to take stimulants, which exacerbated the hell out of everything, but damned if it didn’t need to be done for my health, anyway, haha. I hope the beta blockers help!
This gives me so much hope. I spoke with a clinician a week ago and she said at the end of the meetings I’m 100% inattentive type. Then two days later the clinic discharged me with no listed reason. I have to wait “5 to 7 business days” so I can release the medical forms to myself because the paperwork around HIPAA couldn’t possibly be more obtuse. I just want to function man
It’s not a competition and there’s no such thing as cheating when it comes to mental health. If you have an opportunity to operate better mentally, even if you actually don’t really need it, take it, it doesn’t make you lesser, and the rest of the world only cares about results, not how you got them.
I describe it as going from “neutral gear” to “superman gear” but it may just be “functioning human gear,” I just know that once I actually start doing something, with or without my meds, I will super focus to the point that Amish work crews were asking if I needed a break. Getting started without meds is damn near impossible.
Fucking sucks that I doubt everything that I know how to do, no matter how much I do it, and when I actually do it, I just beat myself up more because I did a good job, so I shouldn’t have wasted time second guessing myself. Even with the meds.
I’ve been like this my whole life but sometimes I wonder if I’ve just been affected by all the short term empty dopamine we’re surrounded with or if I really have this thing that completely matches up with the symptoms and the remedies actually fix.
Maybe it’s the stigma when I have to admit I need to take my Adderall and have my 2x/daily coffee to function reasonably well. ._.
I’m not saying this to be hurtful or accusatory, but do you actually doubt your diagnosis? I was diagnosed at a very young age and the more I’ve grown, the more incredibly obvious my issues have become to me. I can’t imagine, even subconsciously, thinking I didn’t have have ADHD because the symptoms are so apparent and match every description I’ve ever heard of the disorder.
Going through your life well into adulthood while being told “Oh, that’s normal. Everyone does that.” can make it a bit different. People in this situation may also learn to try to compensate for it, but it can sometimes only do so much; until they hit a brick wall and can’t further progress with their lives.
The constant questioning to yourself of do you actually have the disorder, maybe you just need even more sleep, or maybe your mind is just making it up can plague adults who’ve dealt with it unmitigated their whole lives. The feeling does fade, but it can take time.
I imagine the culture which a lot of millennials also grew up in, with D.A.R.E. and the rebounding effect of the war on drugs could also play a subconscious factor of thinking “meth” is bad and only done by meth-heads and crazy people.
If you need ask that question, I’m not sure I could offer an answer that may be satisfactory, or relatable to your own experiences (because it most definitely differs)! Though, I know it can come with its own cons for some, it’s fantastic that were able to receive a childhood diagnosis, and don’t feel similarly to adults who grew up with their ADHD symptoms being dismissed to the point that we regularly question our own validity. I have my own [insert sob story here] reasons for why I doubt myself, but no, I don’t doubt my diagnosis.
Yeah, I recently got meds at 33 (hooray!), insane improvement, and morning brain is still like “But do you really have the severe ADHD you definitely have, or is it all just a big fucking lie you made up to excuse your weaknesses, you weak bitch? Maybe you just need 6-28 cups of coffee and 12 hours of guilty scrolling to low-volume TV to start your day, hmmmm?”
Then I finally take my damn pill, everything shuts the hell up, and I realize how completely chill I am, and capable of laundry.
Think I’ll print this out to go on the fridge, (with a calendar event set every few weeks to move its placement, before object permanence turns it to invisible scenery).
Im still trying to get meds. That sense of calm… Im fairly sure I’d cry first taking it
I know I did! The good thing was that it completely subsided my severe anxiety and I’ve been off meds ever since after they did their job.
Whatever hurdles you still have, dear Stamets, I hope you’re able to keep working towards getting meds. Some fiction-worthy circumstances made my own undertaking SUCK, and it took other extreme health trials for me to even tackle the whole process properly in the first place, cause all that stuff made me a pro with “just one more day of this shit, and I can die tomorrow, right?”, but so far it’s been utterly worthwhile. We can all cry, together!
I’m 40 and hoping to start soon. Saw a psychiatrist last week for the first time and he wants to try me on stimulant medications but I needed to talk to my primary care doctor first because my heart rate has been high. She put me on a beta blocker for the tachycardia and I’m hoping to start soon. I forgot to actually ask the psychiatrist if he thinks I have ADHD but I’m assuming that’s a yes if he wants to try me on meds.
Nice! I was in a similar place with having to juggle other conditions and medication changes to be able to take stimulants, which exacerbated the hell out of everything, but damned if it didn’t need to be done for my health, anyway, haha. I hope the beta blockers help!
This gives me so much hope. I spoke with a clinician a week ago and she said at the end of the meetings I’m 100% inattentive type. Then two days later the clinic discharged me with no listed reason. I have to wait “5 to 7 business days” so I can release the medical forms to myself because the paperwork around HIPAA couldn’t possibly be more obtuse. I just want to function man
It’s not a competition and there’s no such thing as cheating when it comes to mental health. If you have an opportunity to operate better mentally, even if you actually don’t really need it, take it, it doesn’t make you lesser, and the rest of the world only cares about results, not how you got them.
I describe it as going from “neutral gear” to “superman gear” but it may just be “functioning human gear,” I just know that once I actually start doing something, with or without my meds, I will super focus to the point that Amish work crews were asking if I needed a break. Getting started without meds is damn near impossible.
Fucking sucks that I doubt everything that I know how to do, no matter how much I do it, and when I actually do it, I just beat myself up more because I did a good job, so I shouldn’t have wasted time second guessing myself. Even with the meds.
Oh my goodness with the doubts. You nailed it.
I’ve been like this my whole life but sometimes I wonder if I’ve just been affected by all the short term empty dopamine we’re surrounded with or if I really have this thing that completely matches up with the symptoms and the remedies actually fix.
Maybe it’s the stigma when I have to admit I need to take my Adderall and have my 2x/daily coffee to function reasonably well. ._.
I’m not saying this to be hurtful or accusatory, but do you actually doubt your diagnosis? I was diagnosed at a very young age and the more I’ve grown, the more incredibly obvious my issues have become to me. I can’t imagine, even subconsciously, thinking I didn’t have have ADHD because the symptoms are so apparent and match every description I’ve ever heard of the disorder.
Does your experience differ?
Going through your life well into adulthood while being told “Oh, that’s normal. Everyone does that.” can make it a bit different. People in this situation may also learn to try to compensate for it, but it can sometimes only do so much; until they hit a brick wall and can’t further progress with their lives.
The constant questioning to yourself of do you actually have the disorder, maybe you just need even more sleep, or maybe your mind is just making it up can plague adults who’ve dealt with it unmitigated their whole lives. The feeling does fade, but it can take time.
I imagine the culture which a lot of millennials also grew up in, with D.A.R.E. and the rebounding effect of the war on drugs could also play a subconscious factor of thinking “meth” is bad and only done by meth-heads and crazy people.
If you need ask that question, I’m not sure I could offer an answer that may be satisfactory, or relatable to your own experiences (because it most definitely differs)! Though, I know it can come with its own cons for some, it’s fantastic that were able to receive a childhood diagnosis, and don’t feel similarly to adults who grew up with their ADHD symptoms being dismissed to the point that we regularly question our own validity. I have my own [insert sob story here] reasons for why I doubt myself, but no, I don’t doubt my diagnosis.