I’ve been “abused” my entire life. Oldest of 10, homeschooled at 14. My mom started to get more controlling, then physically abusive, manipulated us against each other and our father, made me feel like scum, I could never measure up to her standards, nothing was ever good enough. I could not have a voice. I couldn’t stand up for myself. I had zero self esteem. I was suicidal. She didn’t want me to have friends. Controlled me a lot. I got into a bad habit of leaving things to finish last second. I never really had a child hold.

I got married to get away. I was abused in the marriage too, because of a mistake I made before I got married. Come April it will be 5 years of marriage. Husband was sometimes physical, but it was mostly emotional, verbal, mental… it damaged me even more. I couldn’t stand up for myself, I thought I deserved the awful treatment

I am now out of the marriage. But struggling at a womens shelter. My dilemma is my own mind feeling like I’m unable to make it on my own. It’s hard for me to get anything started and to keep going. I feel lazy. But I’m scared at the same time. Someone please help me, I need advise on how to break free from this and be able to pursue goals and dreams and not have to depend on anyone.