- cross-posted to:
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- cross-posted to:
- [email protected]
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/17147012
"Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority”
and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person”
and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay."
-a 15yo autistic girl experiencing ABA therapy
Pretty sure it’s more than that. The entire concept of just obeying someone “because they’re the authority” is incomprehensible to me. Give me a reason and if it makes sense I’ll do it. Otherwise if I don’t agree with it I don’t see why I should.
To me it depends on the context. In a new job, I take a humble stance and repeat to myself:
And I just work according to instructions assuming the higher up’s have a roughly good idea what they are doing.
After a few months, you can start understanding the broader context and spot some mistakes. Then you can start making suggestions.
Yea, if I don’t know the full context then I can just accept it unless I think it’s completely stupid, and then I’ll just ask. Getting the explanation also helps with understanding the processes better.
I think I most commonly notice this when it’s a movie theme, where some character is struggling with disobeying a person of authority that doesn’t actually hold significant power over them and is just an authority because of social hierarchy. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to obey them if I didn’t want to do what they’re asking, and all I can think is “why are you doing this”.
I don’t know if this has anything do to with autism either, but what you said fits the pattern for me in pretty much most of my life. For example, if a doctor gives me a prescription and tells me to take it every day, I often find it hard to keep up the habit unless I learn exactly how the drug works. Not because I don’t believe them, but more because by understanding the mechanism, of being able to see the steps of cause and effect for myself, it becomes more “real”. Like my brain more easily can see why if I want result B I must do action A. Although thinking about this is probably more relevant to long-term medications, not something like a pain killer or cough syrup, where the cause and effect are more obvious. (I hope that makes sense; I really should be in bed right now.)
Needing explanations/understanding to be willing to do things is a pretty common pattern in autistic people afaik. Doesn’t have to be autism, but it’s an autistic trait. If someone refuses to provide an explanation if I ask (provided there’s not some reason I shouldn’t know) I just get irritated and probably won’t do it out of spite.