Word vomit and mental health incoming, feel free to skip
My sister told me today that my ex seemed fake the way he acted towards me. I agreed with her. It sucks that none of it was real except the love that I felt for him. Also that he seems gay. Friends also said he seemed gay. That explains a lot and would make sense.
Even though I forgive myself for staying with someone who didn’t love me, I’ve had too many coffees today and lost my three day no crying streak. I logically know that the past has happened and it isn’t worth dwelling on it. I logically know that I’m better off without the relationship, but the heart side of me kinda collapsed today. That is okay. Healing is not linear. He’s definitely not sitting there crying over me, he’s probably forgotten me by now. I just feel like I have no direction in life right now and everything feels pointless and bleak. I’m scared and I don’t know if I’m going to make it through the rest of the year. But the fact that I have no direction or clue in life really means that there are opportunities out there that I can’t see yet.
That therapy appointment couldn’t come sooner. Just have to hold on for two more weeks.
Some better things:
tomorrow I’m going to sign up for an 8 week fitness challenge to get me back into working out. I haven’t properly worked out consistently in about a year.
if I pass my uni stuff, I will also buy myself a drum kit or a cheap electric guitar. Watch me say all this shit and be good for three weeks and then fail.
I don’t care if these things plus therapy are going to eat into my savings at this point, because I need a lifeline. I should probably also do one thing at a time. I’m sick of my mental state stopping me from doing the things I want to do and ultimately being the person I want to be. I’ve felt stagnant for probably the past 10 years. I’m done with feeling that way, because if I keep feeling that way, it’s going to be extra hard to get through life.
I understand how you feel. The last relationship I was in turned out to be a sham of sorts. It threw me into a spiral for a little while.
I guess for me, I refuse to let someone have that kind of control over my state of mind. Easier said than done, sure, it’s hard work but I think it’s a good perspective to have.
All you can do, is live the best life that you can, because you deserve that. Because you don’t need someone shitty ruining your vibe.
The guitar/drum idea is a good one. Making music can be really cathartic. Helps get the gunk out.
It’s awful you feel this way and I wouldn’t even know where to start.
If you’re considering drums, also look at electric kits. They sound and feel as good as the real thing now, and you can programming them with different sounds and practice with headphones.
Maybe even look at grooveboxes. For about $500 you can get a little device you can arrange a whole song on. They’re great if you have the time to tinker but don’t want to build up the muscle memory of an instrument
Word vomit and mental health incoming, feel free to skip
My sister told me today that my ex seemed fake the way he acted towards me. I agreed with her. It sucks that none of it was real except the love that I felt for him. Also that he seems gay. Friends also said he seemed gay. That explains a lot and would make sense.
Even though I forgive myself for staying with someone who didn’t love me, I’ve had too many coffees today and lost my three day no crying streak. I logically know that the past has happened and it isn’t worth dwelling on it. I logically know that I’m better off without the relationship, but the heart side of me kinda collapsed today. That is okay. Healing is not linear. He’s definitely not sitting there crying over me, he’s probably forgotten me by now. I just feel like I have no direction in life right now and everything feels pointless and bleak. I’m scared and I don’t know if I’m going to make it through the rest of the year. But the fact that I have no direction or clue in life really means that there are opportunities out there that I can’t see yet.
That therapy appointment couldn’t come sooner. Just have to hold on for two more weeks.
Some better things:
Sorry for spilling all the negative emotions.
I understand how you feel. The last relationship I was in turned out to be a sham of sorts. It threw me into a spiral for a little while.
I guess for me, I refuse to let someone have that kind of control over my state of mind. Easier said than done, sure, it’s hard work but I think it’s a good perspective to have.
All you can do, is live the best life that you can, because you deserve that. Because you don’t need someone shitty ruining your vibe.
The guitar/drum idea is a good one. Making music can be really cathartic. Helps get the gunk out.
Good luck 🐱
You will get over him. Meanwhile, distract yourself by going somewhere a bit wild that you’ve never been before.
Thanks for the tip. Got any ideas?
Vietnam!!!
Sounds like he was on his own journey. Maybe it was mutual stagnation that worked for you both.
In theory, if you invest in therapy, you’ll become more functional so be able to make more money to get those savings back up.
I don’t think life has to have a direction, and if it does why not many directions, why not many goals?
small goals, mmkay.
many many hugs 😘
It’s awful you feel this way and I wouldn’t even know where to start.
If you’re considering drums, also look at electric kits. They sound and feel as good as the real thing now, and you can programming them with different sounds and practice with headphones.
Maybe even look at grooveboxes. For about $500 you can get a little device you can arrange a whole song on. They’re great if you have the time to tinker but don’t want to build up the muscle memory of an instrument
I’ve been looking into an electric kit for the sole purpose of practising with headphones.
Grooveboxes look cool and more portable. I’ll look into it more, thanks :)