• fern@lemmy.autism.place
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    3 months ago

    I’m sure there’s people out there who monogamy works for, but I have yet to meet someone in a monogamous relationship where everything has worked out long term. It’s a two body problem of sorts. Some of my friends moved and broke up, another is in a struggling relationship with their partner. Lots of fallout and drama…

    I only do this because this situation is the same on the monogamy side. I’ve been poly for 18 years and 90% of “poly” problems are monogamous people mislabelling cheating or swinging as poly without being educated at all on it. There has been less drama by poly people that I’ve seen than any monogamous relationship, though toxic people exist in all relationship formats. You need to consider that a person that is dating 2 people is 2x as likely to break up with someone because there are 2 people, not because there is more drama. A vehicle with 2 wheels is twice as likely to have a tire failure than a vehicle with 1!

    Poly people are usually more open about relationship hiccups, because so much of monogamy is about ignoring short comings, partially because Christianity forced the idea that you can’t leave your partner (and that you were made for each other and there isn’t another that would fit). Once you get past those ideas, suddenly you’re looking for who you want in your life; your standards go up. Traits that were toxic but skimmed over are now deal breakers.