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kescusay@lemmy.worldM to Not The Onion@lemmy.worldEnglish · 2 years ago

Supermarket evacuated after spider whose bite can cause erections or death spotted

www.independent.co.uk

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Supermarket evacuated after spider whose bite can cause erections or death spotted

www.independent.co.uk

kescusay@lemmy.worldM to Not The Onion@lemmy.worldEnglish · 2 years ago
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Store is expected to reopen next week
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  • sndmn@lemmy.ca
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    2 years ago

    That’s the hardest working “or” I’ve ever seen.

    • adj16@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Lmaooo. This got a genuine belly laugh out of me

  • FurtiveFugitive@lemm.ee
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    2 years ago

    At first it sounds like a helluva coin toss but in the end you end up with a stiff.

    • The£0b°t°m¡§t@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      2 years ago

  • I_Am_Jacks_____@lemmings.world
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    2 years ago

    I hope you get to choose. One outcome seems better than the other.

    • Lizardon@lemmy.ml
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      2 years ago

      I mean, the outcomes are not mutually exclusive.

      • ProfessorZhu@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        Ah this is what happened to that old man in the first clerks movie

        • Drusas@kbin.social
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          2 years ago

          One of the best movies ever. So New Jersey.

      • Nightwatch Admin@feddit.nl
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        2 years ago

        Death by snu snu?

  • GoofSchmoofer@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    “I’m here to give out erections and death… and I’m all out of erections!”

    • _g_be@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      I’ve got just the one. You can borrow it, in pulses

  • eran_morad@lemmy.world
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    30 days ago

    deleted by creator

    • rockerface 🇺🇦@lemm.ee
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      2 years ago

      The question is, is it an exclusive or?

    • artofcode@programming.dev
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      2 years ago

      Those are odds I can work with

  • J12@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    “the erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience along with the pain and discomfort”

    🤷‍♀️

    • ohlaph@lemmy.world
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      Imagine being a women… Do they get erections as well?

      • Blumpkinhead@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        What part of “everybody” wasn’t clear here?

      • hark@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        Actually yeah, the clitoris.

    • HubertManne@kbin.social
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      2 years ago

      how are masochists not breeding these things!

      • mojofrododojo@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        people eat ghost peppers. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone tried this.

  • iHUNTcriminals@lemm.ee
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    2 years ago

    So… As an American do i have to order these online from Canada if I don’t have a script?

    • candyman337
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      No no it’s female reproductive rights we limit in this country

    • ohlaph@lemmy.world
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      Yes, but our insurance won’t cover it and calling or visiting a site to a inquire will cost $5500.

  • Wolf_359@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Tried to kill myself like this once but the spider kept stiffing me.

  • Elephant0991@lemmy.bleh.au
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    Dead boner in Aisle 6, in Aisle 6!

  • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    It’ll reopen after “comprehensive cleaning and disinfecting” in about a week… That’s pretty quick for rebuilding a burnt down supermarket.

    Though in all seriousness, I can’t tell if the evacuation was an overreaction or if the decision to reopen after just cleaning and disinfecting is sweeping this under the rug. Seems to me like either they should have just warned customers there was a very venomous spider somewhere on the loose or made sure they caught/killed the spider before reopening. It’s like they are treating a spider like covid back when we didn’t understand how it transmitted.

    Unless they are leaving the “we filled the supermarket with deadly poison to kill it” part out, which then makes the cleaning before reopening make sense.

  • GreenMario@lemm.ee
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    2 years ago

    Women who get bit: Guess I’ll die 🤷‍♀️

    • bigbluealien@kbin.social
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      “the erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience”
      From the article, no escape women

    • The£0b°t°m¡§t@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      Never heard of clitoris erections? The clitoris is just a tiny penis

      • Drusas@kbin.social
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        The penis is just a big clitoris.

        • rockerface 🇺🇦@lemm.ee
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          Meanwhile, hyenas

          • victron@programming.dev
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            I’m not clicking that shit, thank you.

            • rockerface 🇺🇦@lemm.ee
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              It’s just a Wikipedia link OwO

              • LexaMaridia@lemmy.world
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                2 years ago

                Adding the extra spice with OwO

                • rockerface 🇺🇦@lemm.ee
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                  2 years ago

                  I am simply stating the trUwUth

  • hoodlem@hoodlem.me
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    2 years ago

    By the time the fire brigade arrived at the store, the spider was nowhere to be seen, local media reported.

    The fire brigade. I imagine them busting in. “Nobody move! It’s possible you may get an erection!”

    • GBU_28@lemm.ee
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      Penis inspection day is now today!

      I know none of you had time to prepare, as is your normal right, but get those dick out now

  • Jackolantern@lemmy.world
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    What a toss up of extremes

  • BilboBargains@lemmy.world
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    The spider is described as a small blue diamond and is often accompanied by older men.

  • hactar42@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    cake erection or death

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