i will talk to my doctor about this of course but just wanted to collect my thoughts and seek out some other experiences before my next appointment. Sorry for such a long post, I guess the TLDR is I’m not sure if I lack the ability to focus enough to have ADHD.
Since I got the results i have been reading and listening to a lot of stuff about adhd. One thing I am pretty sure of is, if I do have ADHD it is the “inattentive” type, not the “hyperactive” type. Even so I am still quite conflicted about whether or not I actually have it at all. I’ll read one article and think “that’s TOTALLY me, I definitely have ADHD”. For example, I have really struggled with these things since middle school at least (i am 40 so trying to think back before high school is a bit fuzzy):
- Severe motivation deficit/procrastination, particularly for tedious tasks and long-term projects
- poor long term planning/project management (even gives me some anxiety just thinking about)
- poor long term time perception (like I’ll intend to think about and purchase Christmas gifts, but then it’s too late)
- Not great attention to detail, and I feel like I can sometimes jump to conclusions
- Some trouble finishing “last 5%”
- poor sleep hygiene. i actually fall asleep and stay asleep fine but it’s hard for me to put myself to bed at a good time and wake up in the morning. mornings have been hell my entire life.
But then I go read something else and think “hm that does not sound like me at all”. For example I am reading the book How to ADHD, and in it she says:
According to Hallowell, if you, an attention-challenged person, abandon all the distractions of modernity, go live on a farm, and finally find peace, you don’t have ADHD. If, instead, you show up to the farm and get so bored you decide to build a carnival—congratulations, you are one of us.
Like… I would absolutely not have the energy or motivation to build anything like a carnival. I would of course occupy myself with other things, I guess reading or playing guitar or listening to music, but isn’t that basically normal? I’m just not sure how to interpret this. Is this more applicable to “hyperactive” people, maybe not so much for “inattentive” people?
I’m just not sure what to make of all this yet. My whole life i have felt extremely lazy and low energy, but once i get over that initial (major) motivation problem i feel like i can focus fine and get stuff done. Is that what “hyper focus” is? Or does that more likely mean I don’t actually have ADHD?
Thanks for reading and any feedback is welcome.
Theres a list of things that they ask to figure out if you have ADHD. If you have like 8 out of thirteen things you have ADHD. Pay attention to the qualifiers though. To the extent that your life is negatively impacted, and in comparison to your peers. Everyone loses their car keys and wallet sometimes, people with ADHD lose everything all the time, and it’s a hindrance to their everyday life. People who know you comment on your propensity to lose things. Everyone hates the tedious parts of their jobs, people with ADHD lose their job because they can’t do tedious things.
It may also be helpful to think about the things we can do. People with ADHD can access the expensive creative part of their brain and the detail oriented task focused part at the same time. This gives us the ability to think creatively while doing a task. There’s also hyper-focus, the ability to focus on just one thing for extended periods. When the two abilities combine, you can slip into a flow state that can be very productive.
yeah I’ve done that, I’m just wary of self-reporting assessments. I’m not confident that I’m assessing myself objectively.
yeah I’m just having trouble figuring out if my well-focused periods are just “normal people” focus or actual hyperfocus.
If there’s someone you trust, have them fill out the questions about you.