i will talk to my doctor about this of course but just wanted to collect my thoughts and seek out some other experiences before my next appointment. Sorry for such a long post, I guess the TLDR is I’m not sure if I lack the ability to focus enough to have ADHD.

Since I got the results i have been reading and listening to a lot of stuff about adhd. One thing I am pretty sure of is, if I do have ADHD it is the “inattentive” type, not the “hyperactive” type. Even so I am still quite conflicted about whether or not I actually have it at all. I’ll read one article and think “that’s TOTALLY me, I definitely have ADHD”. For example, I have really struggled with these things since middle school at least (i am 40 so trying to think back before high school is a bit fuzzy):

  • Severe motivation deficit/procrastination, particularly for tedious tasks and long-term projects
  • poor long term planning/project management (even gives me some anxiety just thinking about)
  • poor long term time perception (like I’ll intend to think about and purchase Christmas gifts, but then it’s too late)
  • Not great attention to detail, and I feel like I can sometimes jump to conclusions
  • Some trouble finishing “last 5%”
  • poor sleep hygiene. i actually fall asleep and stay asleep fine but it’s hard for me to put myself to bed at a good time and wake up in the morning. mornings have been hell my entire life.

But then I go read something else and think “hm that does not sound like me at all”. For example I am reading the book How to ADHD, and in it she says:

According to Hallowell, if you, an attention-challenged person, abandon all the distractions of modernity, go live on a farm, and finally find peace, you don’t have ADHD. If, instead, you show up to the farm and get so bored you decide to build a carnival—congratulations, you are one of us.

Like… I would absolutely not have the energy or motivation to build anything like a carnival. I would of course occupy myself with other things, I guess reading or playing guitar or listening to music, but isn’t that basically normal? I’m just not sure how to interpret this. Is this more applicable to “hyperactive” people, maybe not so much for “inattentive” people?

I’m just not sure what to make of all this yet. My whole life i have felt extremely lazy and low energy, but once i get over that initial (major) motivation problem i feel like i can focus fine and get stuff done. Is that what “hyper focus” is? Or does that more likely mean I don’t actually have ADHD?

Thanks for reading and any feedback is welcome.

  • derek@infosec.pubEnglish
    4·
    2 days ago

    Hey. ADHD diagnosed person here. Only diagnosed this year after a lifetime of feeling like a lazy former gifted kid. This looks a lot like my over-analysis spiral from a few years ago. My psychiatrist broke it down like this:

    ADHD, like most things, is a spectrum. If your brain and body have trouble regulating norepinephrine then you’re probably on that spectrum. There’s no stolen valor here… Only treatment options based on diagnostics (educated guesswork). You meet the diagnostic criteria and I am confident that treatment is your best path forward to mitigate and control the reasons you scheduled time here in the first place.

    </paraphrased_dr_words>

    Some days my symptoms do not get in the way and I could easily pass for neurotypical. On “bad brain” days I feel like I’m losing my mind. Neuro-divergence is complex and life is weird. A diagnosis isn’t about having direct answers: it’s about narrowing down which mitigations, meditations, and medications we want to trial to increase our control over and quality of our lives.

    If you accept that ADHD diagnosis, start treating it, and the treatment improves your life, that’s a huge win. If it doesn’t? Also a win. You’ve eliminated an option via experimentation and you know more about yourself. Time to try the next option. The important bit is being receptive to the attempt at making your life better.