I think you’re correct that (some / many) people see the tiniest chink in your armour and go for the juggler (jugular vein - clown 🤡 joke) to compound your misery to make themselves feel/look “strong”.

I think most do it to be right. To win an argument or “prove” one is right.

And, yes, in abusive relationships I believe a husband is more likely to hurt and damage his wife with his fists whereas a wife would be more likely to hurt and damage her husband with words - generally speaking. It’s tragic either way…

I’ve seen more men being abusive in a nonviolent way than women. (Also in a violent way, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make.) Women tend to be almost abusive, if that makes sense. Not being tangible for a statistic or something, but carving their way to their personal button they can push whenever they feel like it to make their spouse emotional in a way they can use. Can be something like “planned incompetence”, a repeated phrase or problem, or anything really.

Men tend to be openly hostile more often, while women tend to cover their intentions more. Not saying this is exclusive to gender, but saying it’s a tendency.