Back in 1212, my kid went on the crusades and I never saw him again. He was only 10. They called it the Children’s Crusade but I never heard about them getting to Jerusalem. But before he left, he spent hours in his room with a quill pen, just endlessly illuminating manuscripts to his friends.

Watch what your kids are inscribing, parents!

Some may think the Crusades are a harmless alternative to the clergy for getting rid of your excess progeny, but nothing could be further from the truth! It’s a recipe for fraternal strife and societal disruption—how will your firstborn son and heir be content as Count of Boulogne when his younger brother is parading around as King of Jerusalem?