Sorry for the long post
I was diagnosed when I was 2nd or 3rd grade, I don’t really remember. I never struggled too much when I was in school, I struggled a lot with getting things turned in on time but I was lucky enough to have pretty understanding teachers so I always had decent enough grades. I’ve always been good at accomplishing and finishing things when other people were involved and wanting me to complete those tasks, like in a school or work environment where there’s people above me that expect something from me.
But now I’m 20 years old, I’m out of school, and have been out of a job for months. I’ve been trying to work on my own projects, mostly a YouTube channel and a website, some things like that, and along side some general house work tasks (laundry, emptying my cats litter box, etc) that’s pretty much all my responsibility at the moment while I’m looking for a job. Sometimes I have moments where I really “lock in” and get a lot done, and even outside of that I tend to get by well enough, but it usually comes with really strong and prevalent moments of feeling like “I’m not doing enough” or “this task I’m doing isn’t productive enough”, and I just hate myself for having any moment where I’m not 100% busy or dedicated to something.
I’ve tried a lot of different methods, making task lists so that I can see everything and make sure it gets done, I’ve spent a lot of time journaling and organizing my thoughts in obsidian which I think has helped me visualize some things better and see my priorities, and even asking other people to check in on me so I can have some kind of person relying on me to complete these tasks like I did in work and school situations, but it all usually comes down to me not holding myself accountable and being too lenient with myself, which is a hard thing to correct. I’ll eventually ignore my task list or not even add anything to it and things like that. I’ve also found my friends or whoever I ask to check on me to be unreliable and inconsistent so that doesn’t work.
I feel like I just live a constant cycle of starting things and abandoning them because I struggle so much with getting things done and staying dedicated. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else could relate to this struggle, and this way I’m feeling, and if anyone has any good suggestions or methods that have helped them.
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I don’t. I don’t “hold myself accountable” in the way you frame it, because if you “hold yourself accountable” every time your ADHD gets the better of you, you’ll just end up constantly angry at yourself, and still not getting things done, because being angry at yourself doesn’t make your ADHD go away.
So, I will always live in a messy house. But, I (mostly) stop it from getting out of control, and that’s enough. I don’t beat myself up that I can’t keep a house the way many other folk do.
A saying that helped me is “If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly”. Which is to say, if something is worth doing, then getting it started and partly done is still better than not getting it done at all. Do the thing you need to do until you can’t do it. Then instead of forcing yourself to keep doing it, move on to something else. A hastily done kitty litter is better than none. A thrown together resume is better than not putting in an application (because you can always update/change it in the future). Give yourself permission to do things “badly”, because at least, you’ll be doing the things.
I do the things that must get done: going to work, paying the bills, and I realize that if I don’t, what life I’ve made for myself will stop.
For the chores and stuff, sometimes I’ll make a chore pact with my wife (“let’s both clean stuff for the next half hour”) as a way of keeping mutual responsibility. Sometimes I’ll just get fed up and ride a chore wave for a couple hours.
For skills, I try to narrowly just grow the stuff I’m good at as best as I can; naturally, only the skills that interest me for the long term are the ones that grow.
i didn’t read the entire post and likely won’t, but this caught my eye
making task lists so that I can see everything and make sure it gets done
this kind of commitment might be getting in the your way of getting anything done. it might sound paradoxical, but you need to fully accept and embrace your limitations, including not being able to get done what you set out to get done. instead of trying to do what you “need” to do, focus on just doing what you can do and accept that everything else will not get done. which might mean that you might fail to do important tasks, but that’s a better alternative than getting nothing done
having adhd, especially if you’re unmedicated, means you’re constantly mitigating the consequences of not completing essential, periodic tasks. half your efforts will go towards paying interest (metaphorically and literally). this might sound bleak, but once you truly understand and fully accept that, it will be easier to cope with not being able to do everything you need to do and celebrate whatever you are able to. then you will be able to make the most out of your efforts with the least amount of suffering possible
(if you can, delegate tasks you have the most trouble with to people who are willing to help and fully understand what having adhd means)
also, whatever method you use to manage your tasks, it is crucial to make it as simple as possible and make it auxiliary instead of binding. in my case, what i found to help recently are post-it notes. in your case, it might be something else
good luck!
Just tagging on for your post-it note thing: I’ve found out absurdly helpful to put post-it flags (they’re actually called that lol) in places my adhd strikes hardest so I at least have a visual reminder something needs to be done. I have a couple on my TV, and even though I haven’t actually used the TV in months, it’s in a good location for that my eyes wander to. Alarms and notifications are easy for me to ignore/mute or get annoyed by, the flags are inoffensive and passive
It’s very common to want to quit something once the charm of learning something new fades into the chore of repetitive practice. Even more so with ADHD.
I need to subdivide to do anything complex, and sometimes I leverage that skill for motivation. I break down the task into whatever size pieces are small enough for me to take the next step. Sometimes my entire first step is ‘stand up.’
