Yes, I can relate!

Even though clothes, makeup etc aren’t inherently gendered, a lot of people (myself included) have pretty strong associations between those items and binary genders. That person with long hair, wearing mascara, lipstick and a skirt? I’m going to assume they’re trying to present feminine and identify as a woman^*.

Before coming out, I spent a long time trying very hard to be a man. Avoiding femininity. That cute outfit? Not for you, bad!. Long hair? Not for you, bad!, Make up? Run away! Not for you! Associating with women? You’d better only be looking for sex, not someone you identify with. For someone who grew up in a very binary, gender-conforming environment, it was a learned instinct for self-preservation.

So of course when I start trying out feminine stuff, all that internalized misogyny comes flooding back, pointing at myself. Thing is, it also feels really good, and so I feel guilty, like I’m doing something I shouldn’t. In other words, embarrassing.

Going slowly and getting used to things gradually helps. Also other people’s lack of reaction: I went out today in a skirt and make-up; nobody gave me a second look, let alone commented. So I can tell myself: see, nobody cares. It isn’t that bad. (Of course, there are also transphobic assholes out there, so be careful)

^* I should clarify this: I don’t mean that only women can present like that. Gender non-conforming people are a thing. Clothes are not inherently gendered. But in everyday life (rather than, say, LGBT-centric spaces), I’m going to assume, until corrected,