resting depressed face
Gosh, yes, it’s annoying. I’d be constantly getting people telling me to cheer up. Once a lady on the bus to school gave me a looooong pep talk about how I’m so pretty and if anyone picks on me it’s because they’re jealous, and I was like, whaaa? I can only assume I looked really sad, but I was probably just thinking about a video game or Formula 1 😅
As I got older, my resting sad face turned to resting angry face. 🤷🏽♀️
Also I have to say, strangers telling you to cheer up can just eff right off, especially when they follow it up with “it’s not that bad”. They can naff right off with that, how presumptive to think they know what’s going on in my life.
What is hard is when someone asks me a question that requires a decent amount of thought. I can either maintain my face or think. I can’t do both.
When I have to do something with my hands that requires dexterity, but it’s impossible to see with my eyes, I close my eyes, slightly open my mouth, and bare my teeth. I can feel myself doing it.
I’ve wondered what people think of me when I’m making that face- need to ask my coworkers.
If someone tells my wife to smile more she has perfected the most psychotic looking grin to give in return. Wish I could do that. I usually scowl even harder.
I get asked, “What’s wrong?” all the time. Or, “Are you angry/mad/concerned/intense?”
Meanwhile, it’s 3 stooges and keystone cops in my brain 24/7.
My ADHD makes me forget social norms.
Sometimes I’ll smile at a funeral or look mad at a party. I also have been known to say something totally inappropriate for the social context.
Also my resting face tends to be disgusted
Even though I come from a rather stiff culture - feels. My normal face is angry face and my slightly disappointed face is apparently a totally pissed off face.
The hardest part for me is figuring out when to smile. It is weird if you go around smiling but it is also weird if you never smile.
I really like a cognitive behavioral therapy technique for this. If I remember, on my way to work, I’ll put on a relaxed smile. Literally think happy thoughts. I believe it’s helped me to naturally smile more. I definitely see the effect when meeting and talking with strangers, which I have to do often. It’s either that or I’m just getting better at it naturally.
“Behavior therapy” caused me a lot of trauma. I wouldn’t put anyone though that.
I understand completely. I hated therapy. I was essentially fired by my therapist and told to stop wasting my money.
BUT, when I described to her this technique I had come up with on my own, she exclaimed “That’s cognitive behavioral therapy! That’s exactly what we want to do.”
Now I’m not saying she was right or wrong there, but that’s why I used the words I did. It’s just something that has helped me.
I was forced as a young kid into “behavior therapy” where they used disciplinary techniques to try to “cure” neurodivergence.
The phrase “Behavior therapy” is triggering for me. I have been suppressing the memories of my childhood for a long time since they were kind of painful. Recently I’ve been trying to come to terms with myself but it is still a work in progress.
That sounds pretty dark but I’m fairly lucky since my parents let me indulge a lot of my interests growing up. I have always been good with my hands and starting a young age I was building things and doing work on electronic devices. The problem was the school and the tutor my mom hired.
Sorry for the over share I just had to get that off my chest
I wasn’t forced but I was threatened by my mom that she would pay people to kidnap me in the night. Take me to one of those horrific places that have been coming to light the past few years. I’ve repressed pretty much all of my childhood. Other than a couple big traumas including that, my memories basically start at age 12.
I hear you loud and clear.
PTSD, major depressive, generalized anxiety, and as of last year finally diagnosed with ADHD. I have memories of taking a test when I was a kid that was probably for neurodivergence and I guess my mom didn’t like the answer so it just took 35 years for me to get it figured out. I’ve thought I could be autistic since I learned what it was but I’ll never know. I finally learned to stand up for myself about five years ago, one year too late to ask my mom about that test.
I was on an antipsychotic for a while and it was the least depressed I’ve ever felt but I had to drop it because it gave me pretty noticeable facial twitches that would have become permanent.
Overshare right back at you! Good luck out there.
You’re super valid, I just wanted to add some context. ABA “therapy”, which is probably what you experienced, is absolutely an awful, distressing and unscientific methodology.
CBT on the other hand is much different. For me, and what I do most with my psychologist, it’s learning to recognise the signs of distress in myself. To know that I’m feeling sad or overwhelmed. But as well, it’s learning how to do something about that as well. It’s knowing that the small dopamine hit from scrolling social media probably isn’t helpful. So instead doing something like making myself a tea, or taking a bath, or cuddling & playing with my dog.
It’s kind of a much more vibes-based therapy, rather than the strictness and awfulness of ABA. I want to make sure you know I’m not invalidating that trauma though, because it is SO real.
“Your face doesn’t match how you say you feel”
