Even when we always treat others well, it hurts when they treat us badly in return. While it’s true that we shouldn’t expect good in return for our good deeds and should continue to treat others with kindness, it still feels unfair when others take advantage of our goodness and manipulate us in such situations.
I’m going to have to disagree vehemently with your thesis. Weakness is a state, not an ethical behavioral descriptor. The state comes from exhaustion, overexertion, disability, or lack of conditioning. Altruism and kindness fundamentally require more effort and energy than apathy, cynicism, and selfishness.
Expecting kindness in return for one’s expression of kindness is balancing on a razor’s edge. On one hand, it is reasonably to treat others how you would like to be treated, on the other, it is a fact that not all will reciprocate. Building expectation on this reciprocation and depending on it for one’s sense of happiness and well-being is like doing that balancing act with a backpack full of rocks; even if one balances successfully, the extra weight is going to lead to getting cut.
Depending on this reciprocation for one’s happiness is also unfair both to one’s self and to those that they behave kind to. It puts more strain on the interpersonal relationships because they are not able to read minds and know exactly the level of reciprocation expected. It also is unfair to one’s self because it avoids the emotional exercise necessary to grow and be self-sufficient as well as leading to one being constantly in a state of reaction, rather than action.
It takes more strength to practice kindness and altruism while maintaining one’s own well-being. Additionally, allowing others to take advantage of one’s kindness is also not weakness but a lack of respect for and investment in one’s self, and sometimes an act of self-harm. Saying “no” when one does not wish to do something or have the energy to share is an exercise in kindness and respect to one’s self. Not associating with those that routinely attempt to take advantage and manipulate is also.
I think it hurts if there’s an expectation of kindness being reciprocated and it also depends on personal limits of kindness. I would agree that being kind to people who’ve shown themselves to be unworthy or take advantage of it, despite it being evident that the person is not someone to be kind too, is weakness. Being kind to others exposes you in my opinion; becoming jaded and walling yourself off would be easier. I would also tentatively assert that enacting kindness in order to receive kindness is it’s lesser form, if it’s even truly kindness at all.
Becoming jaded is easier, but makes certain joys inaccessible. Not that you were saying it’s better, just to clarify that it isn’t. Becoming cynical is something people do proactively when they cannot control their reactivity.
If you are able to control how you react, there’s no reason not to go into every situation ready for the best, just also ready for the worst and able to not let it ruin your day. And if you’re entering every situation like that, you might as well be kind for your own sake, so as to avoid cutting yourself off from potential positivity, while/since knowing that you don’t need to let the potential for the opposite affect you if it comes to pass.
All said, over-investing in kindness to the degree that you wear yourself down clearly doesn’t serve you, so all in balance.
Well said. Edit: I didn’t feel confident in claiming it’s easier and therefore weaker to do so by default; your clarification expresses the sentiment better.
Treat them well once, cut them out of your life if they can’t behave like human beings. They don’t deserve it.