The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/restingwitchplace on 2025-02-23 15:01:56.

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My Pal has weird luck w/ladies

Women initially like him

Then they get weird & run away over something vague

A while ago, my housing fell thru. Pal invited me to live in his rec room

I only saw his house while he had a gf

Now the house was gross

He lived like a neglected 10yo. No life skills

(examples at the end)

I figured he was depressed over his last gf

Did him a solid & cleaned the house

He didnt notice

House was filthy w/in a wk

I stick to the clean recroom & roughed it out

If I ask about a mess, there’s shame, defensiveness, & passive aggression b4 he’ll clean it. He’s sensitive to criticism&trying not to resent me

I understand why women ran. I don’t bring it up

lately, he’s sad that “no body wants him”. I let him vent b4 I asked “Do you want me to listen? Or give feedback?”

He says feedback & adds “if there is anything I can change I want to know!”

So I tell him “You have qualities that attract people but your household hygiene sabotages you…”

I didn’t mention his inability to take criticism

He didnt fully argue w/ me but floundered w/all kinds of patronizing and defensive retorts. “You dont know that.” “Well, u see, not evry1 has the same standards as you…” “…what abt that time you did this/that/etc!?” “Whatever! I dont want to talk about it!”

Now, I know his pattern is to fuss when he feels criticized & then be more sensible later on. It is likely he’ll come back around & say “ehhh…maybe u r right…” (which is what I counted on)

However, he is even more passive aggressive than usual

He is openly crying all over the house, which I did NOT anticipate

I can see why his exes were all so vague in their reasons for leaving

Now, here’s my schtick

AITA?

I knew I was rolling the dice by giving him a real answer and not pity

Maybe, the right thing to do really was to quietly wait for an exit and then bolt out the door with a really vague reason

• Examples of bad household hygiene:

  • uses frebreze to “clean”
  • carries Doritos in his bare hands, lets them fall to the floor, steps on them, & kicks the crumbs thru the house as he walks around. Dorito crumbs get stuck in everything like sand
  • leaves dog poo all over the patio so that the dog steps in it and bring it inside
  • uses a ?yr old sponge to wipe dishes. dishes/silverware are coated w/food residue & mouse waste from mice eating off plates
  • fridge is full jars “preserves” he “made” in 2020
  • he wipes his sweat onto the curtains/blankets/cushions. they smell like ammonia
  • Dog smells so bad that I gag–he won’t change her diet/bathe her. Dog sleeps on his bed (His “crazy date” story abt a lady who asked to come over on their 4th date & then left his bdrm declaring “I can’t do this!”? Makes sense)
  • food on his hands? wipe it on walls/furniture. There’s globs all over the kitchen. The couch has a brown smudge over the arm
  • spills something? throw a pillow/blanket/towel over it & leave it

• UPDATE ONE: because the 3000 word limit cut this info out

  • the DOG is no longer with us. it passed away of a very old age after new years.
    • he cherished that dog in fact, in my opinion, relied too much on the dog to replace human connections. And this made for some strange logic in his pet-responsibilities. Such as the immovable belief that the dog was his caregiver. I think this also hurt his chances in relationships.
    • he dog went to a vet every month but could not be saved from old age. My buddy has been extra fragile since and that fragility lead up to me dropping a truth bomb on him.
  • The MICE have been addressed…mostly.
    • an exterminator comes out every 3 months, however, my pal has not changed his habits to improve the effectiveness of pest control treatment. still, the mice are far fewer and none of them are in areas of the house that I frequent anymore. they seem to come in through the front door and stay in the other side of the house where he keeps his “depression nest”, as someone aptly described it. I live in the back with the kitchen.
    • my pal believed that, if he got a cat, he would not have to clean to prevent mice cause the cat would deter the mice. he did not want to hear that he would have to clean up after a cat.
  • the CAT does not like him cause he won’t leave it alone.
  • We are in our THIRTIES. I have a partner in another town and we are waiting for several things, outside our control, to settle to move in together. It was not my intention to stay here permanently. Again, my friend is being very generous with his space.
  • MY BUDDY, outside the home, is a good looking dude with lots of book smarts and a gentle demeanor. He is very supportive and generous with the large community and people often go to him for advice in managing events and organizing. He has no problem at all finding dates. He often has multiple dates a week. Ladies really dig him, at first. Inside the house, however, things fall apart.