• jubilationtcornpone
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    6 hours ago

    Nobody: …

    My dog: “MOTHERFUCKER I KILL YOU! I WILL KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND! HOW DARE YOU INTRUDE ON MY… oh wait. I guess that noise just came from my own butt and not some scary dog eating demon. Nevermind. My bad.”

    My other dog: “AAAAAAHHHHH! DONT HURT ME. PLEEEASASSSSEEE! IM BEGGING YOU! I HAVE A FAMILY! Oh. Oh, you’re going to give me pets? I thought you were going to chop me to death with a giant arm shaped machete.”