I’m definitely a sensitive man. Like most sensitive men, I definitely find it challenging in the “yeah, you gotta eat 50 lb of bacon, pump iron 7x a day, never smile, and always take on a challenge” world of masculinity. I mean, we’ve definitely come a long way over the last decade making emotions something men can accept, but we got a long way to go.
Most articles I read about sensitive men are mostly about hiding it, how we’re not supposed, to, and then when we do we’ll feel better, blah blah blah. But I’m already expressive. I find it challenging, from both men and women.
From men, I don’t feel like a man (I don’t mean in the sexual sense…just from a psychological sense). In men’s groups I get so tired of talking about work and (maybe) hobbies I just wanna run out of the room screaming. It’s hard to find any other men who are okay talking about their feelings. When I do (I’m not afraid to), I find no one is able to relate.
From women, I think they often want to see me as a stereotypical stoic man. So when I do express myself, I’m seen as “not manly,” which can be a turnoff, whether for romance or friendship.
So how do other sensitive men cope with expressing their feelings?
I hit an age and a point in my life where I stopped caring. All of that toxic masculinity shit should be ignored because it’s just plain unhealthy. I found that I gained more confidence bucking those toxic norms, than I did hiding who I was, or trying to act a certain way to appease people that will never pick up a phone to hangout.
Being sensitive and empathetic is a strength, not a weakness. It shows emotional maturity. Anyone that tells you otherwise doesn’t even know themselves. I’ve known men that would constantly give unsolicited macho advice but rarely had anything to contribute that wasn’t cited from somewhere else. In all of those scenarios, they struggled to find and hold onto healthy relationships and friendships, and they struggle to find their identity. They fill the gaps in with defensive tactics and poor or non-existent communication skills.
I’ve found that when you take risks and be more forward with your feelings, it helps gain confidence and the outward positive energy rubs off. If you find that you’re surrounded by a lot of that macho energy and it puts a toxic damper on who you are, it’s time to leave it behind. Surround yourself with the energy you want to reciprocate. If you can’t find that, spend time alone and find yourself.
— Lao Tzu