EDIT: I DO NOT NEED ADVICE ON WHY IT HAPPENED. THERE IS A VERY GOOD REASON WHY MY DAD USED TO CHOKE WHEN HE WAS ALIVE. MY LOVED ONES == MY DAD.

WORDS OF CONSOLATION ARE WELCOME, ANYTHING ELSE BUZZ OFF, GO BUG SOMEONE ELSE. You either comment to make me feel better under my mental health post or refrain from writing. It’s simple

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Nowadays if anyone even coughs while we are eating I get startled and anxious and if someone starts to choke and gets red I rush in like crazy and do the manoeuvre and then they are OK but I am left trembling and shaking and crying, feel terrible while everyone else is like shrugging it off.

I remember I had to do this many times on my father and it was really scary especially once or twice or thrice I can’t remember as he collapsed to the ground and I couldn’t lift him again and there were red dots on his face saliva dropping and collapsing on the ground

Actually it happened again today now on someone else and it fucking ruined my day and everyone just moved on like it was nothing, chatting happily now in the next room. Like we weren’t this close even tho the person was sitting afterwards with red eyes and face and who the fuck knows what was going to happen

I am anxious to eat certain things alone. I don’t eat fucking apples nor groats and every time I am alone I eat very carefully some things like some gollum hunching over the plate

Why do they not care and chat like nothing happened