EDIT: I DO NOT NEED ADVICE ON WHY IT HAPPENED. THERE IS A VERY GOOD REASON WHY MY DAD USED TO CHOKE WHEN HE WAS ALIVE. MY LOVED ONES == MY DAD.
WORDS OF CONSOLATION ARE WELCOME, ANYTHING ELSE BUZZ OFF, GO BUG SOMEONE ELSE. You either comment to make me feel better under my mental health post or refrain from writing. It’s simple
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Nowadays if anyone even coughs while we are eating I get startled and anxious and if someone starts to choke and gets red I rush in like crazy and do the manoeuvre and then they are OK but I am left trembling and shaking and crying, feel terrible while everyone else is like shrugging it off.
I remember I had to do this many times on my father and it was really scary especially once or twice or thrice I can’t remember as he collapsed to the ground and I couldn’t lift him again and there were red dots on his face saliva dropping and collapsing on the ground
Actually it happened again today now on someone else and it fucking ruined my day and everyone just moved on like it was nothing, chatting happily now in the next room. Like we weren’t this close even tho the person was sitting afterwards with red eyes and face and who the fuck knows what was going to happen
I am anxious to eat certain things alone. I don’t eat fucking apples nor groats and every time I am alone I eat very carefully some things like some gollum hunching over the plate
Why do they not care and chat like nothing happened
I know it’s not normal I mean my dad who I had to save died from a brain virus that turned them into literal living zombie pissing and shitting under themselves and begging to be put out of misery. I imagine you can have problems swallowing in such situation, don’t you think?
So if you really wanted to know that, ta-dah this is the fucking reason Dr House
I didn’t post this to hear from some Lupuses about why I should be grateful for some random people to tell me what I should do or not but I just wanted a little bit of empathy, validation and support
I think that you may want to take a break from Lemmy and cool off. I’m sorry that you didn’t get what you wanted out of this post but try coming back to it with a fresh perspective later. I hope things get better for you.
It just wasn’t a good idea to post anything about personal mental health online, like why would I do that? Never do that this is a rookie mistake. You just open yourself to be vulnerable to be stabbed by random sensation seekers passing by. Stupid and basic mistake. Nothing good ever comes out of it
I thought one could count on some supportive comments but like apparently this is too much and only ‘well meaning’ experts show up that would be better off to cease their Krebs cycle to not waste ATP
I think you’re right, you’re not ready to post this online. You should probably get actual professional help. Take care of yourself.