Example: My messy apartment. Every time I did a thorough cleaning, usually due to pressure and last-minute high on adrenaline, such as a landlord inspection, I was SO sure: Fantastic, it’s done now, and it will always be nice; I just have to change and do 20 minutes every day.
Well, you all know how that went. But I kept repeating it over and over, 20 years, 25 years.
What works is to admit that you are like that, but don’t know entirely why.
What works is to make a small improvement. I can do one thing every day and check it off, as long as it is on a list.
What works is to get to the root of the problem, ADHD in this case, depression for others, and treat it. This is the big gun, it can be life-changing.
What works is even to hire a maid, to get a dishwasher, to a degree.
What does not work is to “decide” that things will be different now.
It’s easier to see when it happens to others. I remember the post of somebody who considered himself lazy, but had all these ambitions. He wanted to get up tomorrow and become this “super-productive self”. We all told him, one way or another: That is great, but instead of doing that tomorrow, check today if you can study uninterruptedly for 25 minutes. If that works out, do that for a week, and we’ll talk again.
Does the other thing also exist, the epiphany where people change their life? One of my favourite quotes from Babylon-5: “You have the opportunity here and now to choose, to become something greater and nobler and more difficult than you have been before. The universe does not offer such chances often, G’Kar.” Is it a lie?
The challenge is that in reality you have to keep making the choice. Nothing changes with one grand proclamation. Maybe it starts there, but it means nothing without backing it up with hundreds of other choices.
I know one personal challenge I am working on is judging myself by my best day. Everyone has variance of capability day to day. Beating myself up because everyday isn’t my best day is silly.