I wonder why I should get married. What is marriage for me? What’s the point? Marry, be happy, and then die. Nothing interesting for me. Also, having a partner seems beyond my capability. I am not as handsome and physically attractive anymore, so it makes sense that I have no reason for a woman to love me. There is no evidence that supports the need for me to marry and have a partner.

  • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.zipEnglish
    3·
    4 天前

    I am roughly similar to you, going off of your profile description, autistic (male, I presume?), complex mental health history.

    You do not need to get married.

    Live for yourself.

    If someone wants to join you for that, and visa versa, that’s great, but even then, marriage is just a legal status + varying kinds of social norms surrounding that, there are many situations where two could live as partners without being legally married, and that may end up being legally/financially advantageous.

    If people are pressuring you, or you feel a generalized social pressure to get married… thats the kind of thing therapy can help with, giving you tools and methods to deal with that entirely unnecessary pressure.

    You don’t need to get married or have a significant other if you don’t want to.

    Learn to be happy, or at least ok with yourself first.

    … That being said… not all women are so shallow as to only be capable of loving of loving super models.

    Many women are entirely capable of loving someone who isn’t astoundingly physically attractive to them.

    … If you believe a serious relationship is currently outside of your capability, I’m gonna agree with you that it probably is, but probably that has more to do with your mind, your beliefs, your unprocessed trauma, etc, than it purely has to do with your physical appearance.

    I am 35, have gone through a roller coaster ride of a life, with many different mental health diagnoses and medications over the years… I’ve also had many serious relationships that lasted over a year, but few that lasted more than 2.

    I could possibly see myself in another, hopefully more stable one, one day. But right now? I’m focusing on me, and there is nothing wrong with being single for a while, or forever, if you choose.

    Hell, its also possible you haven’t yet discovered you aren’t even into women, maybe you’re asexual or aromantic or gay or something else, I don’t know, but those possibilities are not precluded by what you’ve said here so far.

  • titaniumarmor@lemmy.worldEnglish
    21·
    4 天前

    This is a question for a couples therapist or a psychologist, really. There’s only so much that the Internet can do to help us understand ourselves better. With that said:

    Marriage isn’t for everyone. We all have our own likes and dislikes, which means that marriage will be great for some people and a bad idea for others. “Your mileage may vary.”

    I’d recommend that you meet with an expert (if you’re able) to better clarify the question for yourself and to better understand your emotions.

    Also: I’m concerned by your suggestion that the only reason someone would love you is for physical appearances. This is a big assumption and definitely worth unpacking.