I know this sub isn’t very active, but I don’t have accounts anywhere else, so here goes . . .
I don’t want to get into details right now, but my wife has made me promise to divorce her if I ever drink again . . . my heart is broken for the pain I have caused her to get us to this point.
I feel so stupid that this isn’t the first time I’ve been here, either. I feel so stupid saying “this time it’s for real,” because we all know what to expect when an alcoholic says that :(
In terms of quantity, I’ve actually been drinking much less the past few years, but I think the infrequency might even be making my “mistakes” even worse when they happen :( So I don’t have the excuse of infrequency. I can truly never drink again, and I’m so afraid I’m going to mess it up. I have CPTSD with terrible emotional flashbacks, and I’m afraid I’ll lose control during one of them and ruin my marriage once and for all :(
So this is me, I’m here to join the stopdrinking community. Any encouragement, stories or advice you can give would be most welcome. Thank you.
Edit: Wow, thank you for the outpouring of support! I can’t reply to all of your comments, but know that I’ve read and treasure them!
There are a decent number of lurkers here. Honestly, we wouldn’t be here unless we thought our drinking was at least somewhat problematic but that doesn’t mean we’re all ready to quit (hi).
In my case, I have a hard time stopping once I start. I do a decent job with pacing as my goal isn’t total inebriation, but I drink more nights a week than I’m happy with and if I start in the afternoon on a weekend I’ll easily drink 4-6 beers which isn’t a crazy level but it’s more than I would like.
I’ve had a few dry months over the years, but have never really mustered the desire to stay sober long term. Going into a dry month knowing it’s only a month made it easier for me.
Do you know why you drink? Do you do it in social situations because that’s just what you and your friends do? Do you do it after a particularly long day? Do you do it to turn the volume down on your inner monologue? Is it simply a ritual? Is it a coping mechanism for an underlying issue?
IMO figuring out why you drink, and trying to tackle that, is much more effective than beating yourself up about the fact you drink. You can even talk this out with your wife as she’ll hopefully want to help.
For me, my drinking is related to a mix of a particularly long day, turning down my inner monologue, and ritual. Thankfully, the last two of those gave a few easy substitutions. Tinkering/working with my hands and reading (books, long form articles, etc) are great ways of quieting down my inner monologue. Seltzer water and decaf tea (due to usually doing this in evenings) are good ritual substitutions. The trick is finding a good way to deal with a long day - especially when I just want to veg. I’m still working on that one as some of the easier mechanisms for me, like video games, don’t work as a parent is difficult. I can nurse a beer while doing the bed time routine. I can’t completely disappear.
Beyond asking yourself why you drink, it’s probably a good idea to find an active community to engage with. There are lurkers here, so if you’re willing to post more you’ll likely find people like me who jump in the comments. You could seek out something physical/local or another virtual space.
https://www.8n8aa.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Living-Sober.pdf
This is an AA book. That said, it’s not the AA Big Book. It’s full of useful techniques for staying sober. Things like carrying something sweet to help you fight the cravings, or that you can pick up the phone and call/text someone when you’re feeling bad.
One of the best things in it, for me, is “One Day At A Time.”
If I’d had to swear off forever I’d have found a million reasons why I was allowed a drink on this ‘special’ day.
Instead, I just don’t drink for the next 24 hours. Anyone can get through a single day.
Good luck.