MINNEAPOLIS—Responding to conservative backlash over a large selection of offerings for the month of June, Target announced Friday that they would scale back their gay pride section to a single t-shirt, saying they’d do a threesome with a girl for their boyfriend’s birthday. “It’s a one-night-only thing, and we’ll both do stuff to him—nothing to each other,” reads the bright, graphic t-shirt in large rainbow block letters, the detailed rules of the encounter continuing in smaller letters onto the back, which Target representatives called “the perfect compromise to make everyone happy.” “Obviously, she has to be less hot than me, and he can’t have full-on sex with her. It won’t last a minute past midnight on the actual birthday, and it has to be with someone from my old sorority, but lives out of town. No eye contact.” At press time, Target had reportedly pulled the shirt after receiving intense backlash from the jealous girlfriend community.