cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/227621

Original post: https://hexbear.net/post/227408

Should I steal gay porn from work?

So I work at this warehouse that salvages old technology, like when a company gets rid of stuff they send it to us and we sort out what’s scrap and what’s valuable. Sometimes, we get random office supplies like stress balls or desk organizers or whatever, and generally we either throw them out or swipe them to have at our workstations.

Well, today I was going through a box and I found some weeb stuff, like anime posters and stuff. There was a big Monster Hunter: World book, a book about sushi, one about Edward Snowden, just random stuff. Then I see a book with Lelouch from Code Geass with his hand on Suzaku’s chest, and at first I think it’s just an art book because the official Code Geass art is super homoerotic, but nope. Turns out, I found someone’s porn stash. And it’s all in mint condition (thank god).

So like, rationally, I should just throw it away, right? But then goblin brain just starts screaming at me, “You have to save the yaois!” It’s not even, like, if I just wanted that stuff I could buy it, but like, gay porn that I stole from work is like, that’s a fucking magic item. It’s like, the story, the bragging rights, it’s just this impulse. Also I hate throwing stuff away especially when it’s like brand new, and the (sfw) Monster Hunter book looks like I could sell it for like, $80 or something if I could get it out. So for now I just put it in an inconspicuous box.

Should I do gay crime??? I would have to get it past security, but they’re mostly concerned about metal items. Should tell someone I found “some books” and see if I can get permission? Should I just forget about it because it’s dumb and irresponsible??? Help.

I stole gay porn from work

Several people asked for a follow up after I asked if I should do it. Well, I did it. It didn’t go quite as smoothly as it did in my head, but the important thing is that I saved the yaois and didn’t get caught. Gay crime committed successfully

Posting about it might be dumb, but even if someone doxxed me, nobody else at work knew it existed so I’m pretty sure they’d just look like a crazy person. If anyone asks, I made this story up for Hexbear clout, also it was a satirical parody about capitalism’s wasteful tendencies, also it all happened in Minecraft.

Another funny angle to this story: years ago, I lived in Japan for a bit, and collected way too much stuff and tried to ship it back in a huge overstuffed box. The box burst open, and I lost most of what was in it - including some NSFW yuri stuff. Once, my gay porn wound up in the hands of a random warehouse worker. Now, I’m a random warehouse worker, and someone else’s gay porn has wound up in my hands. The circle is now complete, the cosmic balance is restored. Just like the Biblical story of Job, the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away

I’m not quite at a place where I can inspect my haul throughly, so I will provide more details on this story as it develops.