if I want things, I want to not have the avoidant personality thing. I want real life friends that feel like friends, not like people I keep around by pretending. And I want a social environment that gives me the external motivation to accomplish things despite having adhd. Even with meds it’s a struggle, without meds I’m cooked. Also, since we’re dreaming, I want to work both in the arts and sciences, and in the sciences at a level where I get to actual do the science and not just be support. I’m fucking good at music, just also really shy about it. And I’m okay at writing, except I kinda worry I have no voice as a writer because I have no sense of self, probably where the avoidant shit comes from lol. And I struggle to find anything I can write for more than a few pages before I get burned out and hate it. I’ll probably delete this because, like most things I say or do, I find it embarrassing lol.