I could use some advice or support.
My husband and I both have ADHD. We really struggle to keep up with cleaning our home. My parents weren’t great cleaners when I was a kid either, so I get stressed sometimes because I don’t know how to handle various things around our home.
My husband told me a couple weeks ago that his mom was over at our house, and she told him we “don’t deserve to be homeowners.” This comment really cut me to the core. I have a pretty good relationship with my MIL overall which is what makes it hurt that much worse. But she is an insanely clean person, and she really can’t stand any kind of mess. I try to remind myself of this, that her standards are really high. I keep hearing that comment in my head and I feel like a piece of shit.
I really want to clean up my house but I have so much shame around it that it’s so hard to motivate myself to do it. It’s not like I live in a hoarder house or anything… But my house is messy enough that I am embarrassed to have people over most or the time.
Just needed to vent a little. Thanks for reading.
The only person who has ever made snide remarks about my home is my cunty MIL. My friends know and respect me and expect my home to have some chaos because I do. I have people coming over tomorrow, and I promise there will be some mess or chaos they don’t care about. My apartment is vigorously lived in, and it shows. People can respect that or not come over. Tbh, I suspect that maintaining that boundary is part of why my MIL hasn’t come to see our place in the two years we’ve been here. That and our place is larger, nicer, and in a better neighborhood than her tidy little trailer, so she really has nothing to lord over us. Hopefully yours isn’t as bad as mine, but yeah, I wouldn’t respect her opinion. And don’t get me started on the classism and ablism of someone not deserving to own a home they earned because you’re gonna use it in an idiosyncratic way that suits you more than her. That’s a gross thing to say.
Yeah, this one’s tough to address because I wasn’t there when she said it. I heard it second hand from my husband. If I had been there, I definitely would have said something to her. For the most part she’s great, but my husband’s family culture is kinda like… They say things bluntly sometimes. My family was NOT like that growing up. I think there’s a happy medium to be found somewhere in there…
Sorry about your MIL. It’s great that you’ve set boundaries though.