• CobraChicken@lemmy.ca
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    1 year ago

    I discover the crashed F35 in my lone walk in the woods. As I start to take it apart for parts, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Lockheed. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the feds come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of FBI. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Lockheed to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care, I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the F35

  • WrittenWeird@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Considering it is apparently a federal offense to tamper with aviation debris or accident scenes (assuming the plane looks intact) absolutely nothing, call local cops, they call AF.

    • Syringe@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Great BBQ. Those rednecks do NOT fuck around with a pork shoulder. Charleston has really great food. Also, the hunley museum is pretty cool.

      Otherwise, it’s great if you also happen to be into book burning, or if you’re a completionist collecting STDs.

  • Deestan@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Call the number on one of the “Plane missing! Have you seen me? ✈️ ✈️ ✈️” posters the Air Force put up all over the neighborhood.

    • mindbleach
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      1 year ago

      At this rate there’s gonna be future textbooks with back-to-back chapters on Gavio Princip, the Beer Hall Putsch, and the War Thunder forums.

  • Kalash@feddit.ch
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    1 year ago

    Hotbox the cockpit. And this would only be the 2nd time I hotboxed the cockpit of a fighterjet.

      • Kalash@feddit.ch
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        1 year ago

        Ha, I thought nobody would ask. It probably will be quite a disapointing story though, sorry.

        Anyway, I was on holiday in Slovakia and basically, they just have old sovjet jets sitting around. We visited a very small “airport” (the runway was grass) used for skydiving. And they just had a MiG-21 sitting behind the building. No fence or anything. One of the Skydiving company staff said I can sit in it, if I want. So I did. He didn’t come with me or anything. It was also out if sight from anyone on the airfield.

        Apperently this isn’t unusual at all and these planes are just sitting around in random fields as “decoration”.

        Here’s a googlemaps link. I sat in that one!

          • Kalash@feddit.ch
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            1 year ago

            I did sit in the cockpit smoking a joint with the canopea almost closed. For a minute.

        • Blizzard@lemmy.zip
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          1 year ago

          That’s indeed disappointing, I thought “hotbox a cockpit” meant to fart inside! Anyway, still a nice story.

          • Kalash@feddit.ch
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            1 year ago

            I think that’s also a valid meaning, just depends on the context. It’s an ok story :)

        • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          You’ve just given me a goal, except the only place I know with airplanes laying around is a museum. I’d feel bad hotboxing a plane in a museum.

          • Kalash@feddit.ch
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            1 year ago

            I’d feel bad hotboxing a plane in a museum.

            Yeah, don’t do that. To be honest, I didn’t even close the canopea fully, I worried about not getting out. I sat on the wing for most of the lenght of the joint.

            But It sounded much cooler this way.

            • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world
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              1 year ago

              I could call up my acquaintance with a cessna, but he doesn’t know I smoke. He’s a little too, uh, mormon for that conversation.

              • Kalash@feddit.ch
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                1 year ago

                a cessna

                That’s not a fighter jet.

                Just visit eastern Europe.

                There was another plane, I think a MiG-15, that was literally just sitting in the middle of nowhere next to a hayball. We were just driving past it. I tried to find it on google maps, but it was many years ago and I just can’t remember the route … or any waypoint.

      • Deestan@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        It means they snuck in and farted the cockpit green right before the pilot came to fly it.

  • bstix@feddit.dk
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    1 year ago

    Assuming I could figure out how to turn that thing on, I would definitely:

    • Take off
    • Go to maximum velocity
    • Burn out all the fuel
    • Acknowledge that I have no idea of where or how to land
    • Look for the button to the ejection seat
    • Glide down towards the equator
    • Eyeball the necessary altitude
    • Push the button
    • Pull the parachute cord
    • Flip both the birds
    • Land on a beach
    • Walk up to the bar
    • Ask for a beer
    • Run from the bill
  • teft@startrek.website
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    1 year ago

    Sit in the cockpit and make plane, missile, and machine gun noises since I don’t even know how to turn one on let alone fly it.

  • JohnDClay
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    1 year ago

    Assuming no consequences, I’d love to open various panels and try and figure out what does what. It’d be really cool to see inside one of those.