Usually we are good, sexwise, bit’s becoming apparent something is off this year. She thinks the issue is poor health which is probably a component, especially in past sessions but tonight I was getting increasingly frustrated and just didn’t speak up. I don’t know where to turn to for advice on this. Essentially I was doing all the work, I had two tuga on me and that was it, I was on top first and she was literally just laying there. Hardly making a sound. After that she told me she wanted to be on top so we switched and she was dry and I started to instantly deflate. The culmination of it all just sucks. When I expressed how I felt like she wasn’t really reacting and enthusiastic, she lashed out at me and said it’s because of my health.
I dont know, maybe she’s right but I just was not getting the right vibes and I was feeling increasingly frustrated. How do I approach this better?
As you might already know, the key is communication. As you described, nobody took the chance to say anything and that lead to frustration. Therefore it is so important to have an after talk. Try to think about your emotions and thoughts you had during the act to prepare for this, but also consider the general things in your relationship. Often the problem lies a bit deeper and might not even be connected to sexual things.
Try to be open and understanding, first think about what you could have done wrong. Formulate your sentences like this, send “I-messages” not “You-messages”. Take your partners thoughts seriouelsy. Create an atmosphere where both of you feel they can be honest.
You mention “poor health” could be a factor. This has two components that are important for sex, one is fitness, the other one is attractiveness. Have you considered your wife has a point here? When married people often change, eat more, do less sports, they gain weight etc. This can happen without yourself realizing. Be honest with yourself, make a check and see if you are still happy with your fitness and body form. If yo are not, who knows, maybe your wife is ready to support you somehow? You would wonder how sexy it can be when someone just says “I was working out for 1 hour straight today” - you don’t even have to wait for results.
You are starting to reflect upon yourself, and that’s a great thing! Good luck for you!
Great advice! A small bit of extra advice from my own relationship is focusing on talking about how things make you or her feel. And remember in this that feelings are never wrong, but can be misguided by (IE) not knowing the full picture. (Though never just assume thats the case for someone else)
Your feelings are valid OP! But, hers are as well. Try figuring out what’s making you both feel unhappy about your relationship/sex life.
Another thing to suggest is if you can both work out together or on a similar plan.
I’ve found that whilst we don’t run together, we both run the same amount each week at different times.
This means our experiences are similar and we can motivate each other to not lapse on things.