this is a msg of word vomit I sent to a very dear friend of mine I’m hoping it’ll help others come forward or help parents protect their kids. I never want this to happen to anyone else, I wanna shout it from the rooftops but I live in the country. please parents, be fucking vigilant about who your children spend time with.

I’m just going to type it all out try make sense of it. the rape dreams are like video replays of me when I was 10 getting raped by a family friend, my grandmother’s piano student who was a groomer, bought me heaps of shit and videogames, took me round the world and convinced me that I would get in trouble if I told anyone. so from age 10 to 14 this fucking guy had his way w me, left me w severe cptsd and I feel ruined, tampered with. so I’d cut contact by age 14 and then hadn’t seen him for about 15 years. august 2019 I ask my coworker (who I loved like a big brother, drinking buddies got 3 fucking matching tattoos) for help, a hug a chat anything and he fucking roasts the shit outta me, lists off every mistake I’ve ever made at work in the last 8 years. like yeah there were some big fuckups but I had tears streaming down my face and a longneck in one hand, ciggie in the other he roasts me really angrily for 10 min straight which felt like an eternity and I tried to hang myself that night but the only reason i didn’t is cause I didn’t have enough booze to go through w it… so in a way alcohol/its absence saved my life. shitcunt coworker decides to spend the last 2 years of my employment giving me the silent treatment unless it’s about work. sitting next to the cunt in a car doing shitloads of driving. fuck you nathan.

then about 3 months later nov 2019 rapist shows up at a winery I’d work at about once a year(4hrs from his hometown, 2hours from mine) and he’s got a job in the cellar door there he says “hey…what I don’t even get a hello?” im frozen in fear and I drive straight to my local police stn via bottlo and told them everything,

reopening a decade+ old case that got closed cause a fucking deadbeat rookie cop decided to show up at my school in 2008 right at the last bell when everyone’s getting on buses, I’m literally surrounded by my best mates and he asks if I got molested which I vehemently denied cause I’d blocked all that trauma from my memory and don’t wanna be embarrassed in front of my friends

anyway I’m telling the police everything in nov 2019 crying my little heart out and they suggest putting recording devices in a special shirt and going to have a nightmare coffee and chat w rapist. so feb 2020* I’m headed to sydney with a detective and a female officer, both lovely people I feel I owe

so I had a few drinks to amp up and went had this coffee chat w him and made him sing like a canary, he was adamant that he never fucked any other kids and had a disgusted look on his face so somehow it’s ok if its me. he said “I never thought I did anything predatory” fuck I’m shaking just writing this. he was working a child daycare, a primary school k-6, teaching piano I hate to think about how many others.

he got arrested the next morning, granted $50k bail at $1m surety on the strictest conditions ever, fucker could have walked but he decided to hang himself the night before his release. his parents were on their way to pick him up and they told them to turn around at the gate.

his parents knew what was going on, and let it happen in their home. I’m sure at least one of them is alive, might have another nightmare chat

sorry for the word vomit but thats my fucked up story, now I’m an addict, mentally unstable and gearing up for a suicide. please don’t let this happen to your kids.