It’s weird, you start off super excited because you’ve got about 5 kilos of chocolate, so you obviously start scoffing it down as quickly as possible.

It starts off easy enough, you start eating away until you’ve had enough, then you look down and notice that you’ve only eaten the top half of the pyramid which is about a quarter of the one piece of Toblerone, so you save it and keep eating and saving until you finish your first piece.

Now when you look at the rest of the giant fucking Toblerone that now lives rent free in your house, you no longer feel like childlike glee of finally having more chocolate than sense! No, now it’s replaced with a slight air of dread, the last remnants of the first piece still making their way through your body as you break off that second, less appetiting piece of Toblerone. See

This one will take you twice as long and the rest will take exponentially longer than the one before, until one day when you look down upon the eldritch horror you posses, you see nothing but pure unadulterated hatred, you no longer feel the urge to eat another piece of Toblerone or any of piece of chocolate or chocolate flavoured anything.

Now’s the part where you have to lie through your teeth to your friends and family, in an attempt to offload this curse you’ve brought upon yourself, which will only work once, because they will now fall into the same fate as you, but not as traumatic.

Onde day you will succeed and be able to finally rid yourself off the corpse that was your giant fucking 5kilo Toblerone.