My girlfriend and I have been together roughly 4 years. Over the past two I’ll admit I’ve been a bit complacent, i want really putting in show effort i probably showed have. Took our relationship for granted. Recently over the past year our sex life nose dived from probably once or twice a week to once a month to not at all. Granted a lot of that was caused by her depression which was exacerbated by hormonal birth control she was on. So seeking to alleviate that we took out the implant and she decided she was comfortable with getting an IUD instead and seeing if that worked. Immediately after having it put in, within a day or two, if I touched her she felt genuinely disgusted. Like a close friend was getting too handsy. She completely lost all sexual attraction to me and even hated being around me. Just looking at me or talking to me put her in a shitty mood. Within a week we took the IUD out and while there was not immediate improvement she now enjoys being around me but not be touched. I also have my reasons to believe she doesn’t love me as much as she once did and is considering a breakup.

It’s all just happening very fast. Her sister and I are working on compiling ways I could improve on our relationship. We’ve compiled date and gift ideas as well as a flowchart for how to construct a date as a surprise without giving her anxiety (what info to give her what not etc etc). I’m regularly visiting the gym mainly to blow of steam but also in hopes that I could be a bit more sexually attractive to her idk. My girlfriend and I have also talked about maybe doing couples therapy. She wants to make it work but she sometimes seems like she’s gauging how I would react if we did break up. At this point I don’t know what to do, I’m terrified of losing but I feel like everything I’m doing is way too much way too late.

  • 𝑔𝑎𝑙𝑎𝑥𝑖@lemm.eeEnglish
    4·
    1 year ago

    It’s much easier said than done, but perhaps you should be putting more energy into your relationship with yourself too, not just with her. Sometimes these issues arise as a side effect of the people in the relationship not taking good care of themselves and their life. Imagine getting yourself to a place where you feel confident again and secure despite whatever might happen between you two. Working on that magnetism created by self-fulfillment and self-focus might invite your gf to feel freer and more inspired to start pursuing and desiring you again. I don’t mean play games, but just create a bit of space to recreate some of the desire.

    Keep in mind it might not be in your control if it doesn’t have anything to do with you. Your gf might be struggling with hormones, body image issues, stress, depression. Sometimes you get used to being in a relationship and take it for granted a little too (especially if she feels like the option is always there). If you pull back from always being open to sex, create a bit of scarcity, and show focus on your own happiness and your own life outside her, it might help her to feel less stressed and find her way back to you. It’s understandable to feel unstable about things and it sucks that it sounds like she isn’t working on things together with you, but maybe she’s just not there yet. Give it a little time and trust that you’re doing as much as you realistically can for the relationship.