Mine certainly hasn’t. I feel like I’ve had 27 years of downward spiral.
I’ve been slowly, but steadily collecting more and more people to miss, Watching my finances get worse and worse. My body is starting to fall apart. My life is boring, lonely and grueling. Every time I take a step forward in one area I take a step back in all the others. Therapy has been worse than useless, loved ones stop caring eventually, casual friends just disappear into the ether without a trace.
I wish I hadn’t gotten “lucky” during my previous suicide attempts, because I definitely can’t try that anymore. I wish someone could just do it for me, without me ever expecting it.
But your 30s are supposed to be easier. More stable. It’s hard to believe that’ll be the case for me, going into them with no connection to my past, no money, no marketable skills.
I’m generally honest with my therapist, but I keep anything related to suicidal ideation pretty close to my chest. If they decide to put me in a psych ward for a week or two (they can do that where I live, if they deem you a suicide risk.) I’ll probably lose my job, and subsequently get evicted.
I definitely wouldn’t say I’m actively suicidal, but I imagine I would be if that happened.
So much this. I have to restrain myself daily from hanging myself like my father did but there is no way in hell another living soul is ever getting that outta me non-anonymously, for the exact reasons you described.