Any trans women who relate to this meme, this comment is addressed to you. I’m not going to tell you not to snack on the self-harm salad, because I know it’s not that easy; I was first cat-called at age 13, and despite being terrified and deeply uncomfortable, I remember feeling happy because it felt like validation — because even at that young age, I had internalised the idea that being appealing to men was what it mean to succeed as a woman.
We live in a patriarchal society, and that means that every woman is faced with this bitter meal at some point, as well as the decision on how to work past the stage where we tell ourselves we like it because it gives us some modicum of agency. It can feel pointless to be a feminist sometimes when misogyny is so insidious.
But trust me when I tell you that happiness won’t be found in this soggy pile of limp leaves and lies. You’re so much more than the misogynists would have you believe. You’ve already fought so hard to live as a woman, and I think it’d be a damn shame at this point if we didn’t get to see what kind of woman you want to be. I had help to realise that being a woman doesn’t mean conforming to patriarchal standards, so when you’re feeling secure enough that you want to move beyond relying on misogyny validation, I, and many others me, are here to support you.
And not just because trans rights are human rights, but because you are wanted and needed here. My wish to see you at your best is a slightly selfish one, because my own gender experience and understanding of womanhood has been immeasurably improved by having trans women in my life and in my community. I can’t wait to see what we can build together, because you can offer something that I, or other cis women simply can’t do on our own. You add something unique and beautiful and truly special to this world, and to the conversation of what a woman can be.
In the meantime, don’t beat yourself up for clawing some small comfort from harmful sources. It’s a difficult time, so be kind to yourself in whatever way you can. Besides, I may speak like I’m enlightened, but I still struggle with this shit too; Recognizing and resisting harmfuk toxicity isn’t the kind of fight you can ever really win, you always have to keep an eye out for it. It’s easier with good friends though, and a community that supports you. If you don’t have much of those things yet, I wish you good luck in finding a place that you’re comfortable, and the strength to remember that you are wanted, you are loved, and you are valuable, as you are - the real you, even if you’re still discovering her, or the world hasn’t seen her yet.
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Saw a comment recently where a trans woman was in a heated argument with a friend or coworker and he called her a bitch. She was excited, happy, and validated and the argument was over lol.
First time I was gendered correctly by a stranger was by a creepy old dude at a fried food stand at a festival. He called me “honey” in a way that made me feel simultaneously validated and scared.
Cis guy with long hair and a fat ass here: I got sexually assaulted by a very drunk guy during a concert that was touching my ass thinking I’m a woman.
Kinda reminds me of some argument on twitter where one of them was sexist but was asking for the other person’s pronouns to “insult them properly”.
Trans Inclusive Radical Misogynists
Lol true
What sort of behavior does the salad represent? Catcalling? Something else?
Trans women conforming to traditional gender norms in order to be more accepted by society/to feel internal validation because those things are they they grew up thinking a woman should be like, is what they mean
I.e. the housewife, traditionally “feminine” activities, having somewhat backwards thoughts about a woman’s “purpose”
I think the underlying theme meant to be picked up here is it’s attention. Guys don’t get attention more often than not so when a guy transitions and receives that attention they absolutely love it. Whereas cis women receive this attention from the beginning and it’s gotten old to them.
It’s not just that it’s gotten old for many cis women, I think it’s because a lot of cis women have grappled with the kind of internalised misogyny that makes misogyny feel weirdly validating. It’s not just attention, it’s patriarchal oppression and the thing about oppression is that it’s common to crave the approval from the same society that shuns and subjugates, even when it’s clear that you’ll never be able to attain the ideal they expect of you. Hell, especially then.
Even though I know it’s toxic and harmful to even entertain some ideas, I can’t deny that I still feel the pressure. Misogyny is so insidious that sometimes I feel like maybe it’d be easier if I just went with the flow and stopped fighting it, but I’ve gone through that pattern before and there is life worth living at the end of that path.
Catcalling is a good example. When I was early on in transition catcalling felt uncomfortable, but I’d often walk away feeling like someone saw me as an attractive woman, which was a new validating experience and ultimately that outweighed the discomfort. After some more time, now that that’s more common, the validation has worn thin and now it’s just uncomfortable.
One of my roommates is trans so we make misogynistic jokes and then all laugh at the concept of trans acceptent mysogyny. In a good way
Use this one trick to get your trans roommate to make you a sandwich.
Reminds me of the trans affirming misogynist parrot
any trans ladies want some compliment just hit me up.
If any TERFS are upset like this they need to remember you don’t have to look far to find cis women who are validated by misogyny.
I’m cis but I discovered ewphoria on reddit and it was a weird experience.
Then I discovered the weird brand of misogyny that FtM people can fall into when they’re trying to hard to pass as a man, that was even more of a shock. Thought FtM people would be strong-anti-misogynists but nope, everyone is capable of thinking they’re special
ewphoria
… wat?
If memory serves, when something shitty happens to you because of your gender, but it also affirms your gender and feels… well, affirming.
Like when an old disgusting man makes a disgusting joke about “wife bad” and looks at you with an “am I right or what?”-look. Last time that happened (it was a work colleague) I felt weirdly validated in my manlihood and felt like I’m part of the in group (I’m a cis man, but considerably younger that the other guy, and I was new in that place of work), while at the same time wishing that guy would just disappear into thin air. Disgusting feeling.
Like the gender affirming parrot that only bites men?
So a mix between (gender) euphoria and “Ew, gross!”? Got it.
Time to go compliment my pretty and cool trans friends again
