Living in the world’s wealthiest and most powerful war machine, U.S. citizens have a unique perspective on how to blow their enemies off the face of the earth. The Onion asked Americans how they would end the conflict between Israel and Hamas, and this is what they said.

“Here’s how to end this once and for all: For the Palestinians, you confine them into two separate territories under duress, and for the Israelis, you give them an unlimited supply of weapons and funds. A positive outcome for both sides should come in a matter of days.”