I think as men get older, we also tend to have less close friends than women. Or at least it sure seems to be that way for many. Saw it with my dad before we lost him last year. I see it with my brother and myself. It has brought me and my brother somewhat closer in that we text and talk more than we used to despite not living close and being pretty different personalizes.
I have a few close friends, but not male ones. I had to stop working at a young age and I feel that is when I stopped having a connection to any sort of male bonding.
But I agree, that it still seems unacceptable to open up, share feelings, and be vulnerable as a man. Probably why I have mostly had women as close friends most of my adult life.
I have to wonder about the generalized differences between men and women not helping here either.
Men can bond over problem solving or following a sport /passion. Work often helps create an environment for plenty of problem solving and sharing of sports.
Women typically share about most things and want to just be heard with their gf’s and that is a wider bandwidth to contribute to a relationship with. A listening partner to vet their feelings with often.
Men typically are either figuring out their hierarchy subconsciously and couldn’t afford to share their losses as easily. Plus most men don’t really want to hear it. Older men often don’t know how to deal with it. There’s a reason a lot of our happy places are places where we don’t seem to think like fishing, watching sports, etc
I discovered after my father passed unexpectedly from a heart attack the majority of his male friends were those with health issues that he was helping out with from rides to doctors, to money for things like medicine. He didn’t follow sports and outside of gambling didn’t really have hobbies.
I didn’t really put that together until years later when I looked back with this problem solving mindset. All those men that came up to me at his funeral were men he helped in one way or another. Some of them were going to lose some of the freedom he provided with his ability to still drive and shuttle them around. I’m not sure what friends he had outside of this dynamic during his short lived retirement. When I called his old co-workers that I knew of when I was younger to inform them of his passing often they had not seen or heard from him since they last worked together.
It’s something my lonewolf personality is going to need to address as I get older too.
@intensely_human@SkyeStarfall Yes? Or rather, the *assumption* that she would is toxic masculinity. If she actually does that, she’s bought into the same toxic bullshit.
It’s toxic no matter whom it’s coming from. You *deserve* someone whom you can open up to.
Men and women seem to make friends differently. Men have more of a tendency to make friends through work. The change in work culture can cause these to collapse more easily. It’s particularly harsh at retirement. They not only lose their day-to-day reason to go on, but the friendship net that should help them.
By comparison, women tend to make friends independently of work. This makes their friendships more tolerant to changing jobs, or leaving work. Women also seem to be better at maintaining friendships at a distance.
Lastly, there is the (slightly controversial) glass floor. It’s the inverse of the glass ceiling. Both men and women have a bias to help women in distress over men. This makes it a lot more likely that someone will step in to help, before the downward spiral gets too deep. This is partially why men make up a large proportion of the homeless.
In terms of making friend stats I don’t know of any study’s but I do find it extremely believable from my life. My dad is probably the only man I know of to have a friend group and even then it’s just him and one other guy. Meanwhile I walk around and see women walking around exclusively in groups. I suppose it really doesn’t help that in the place I’m from socializing with coworkers is considered lazy and generally shushed.
It isn’t. When you look at studies they reveal that loneliness is very prevalent in multiple groups of people and in general. In some studies older women are the most lonely group.
There is much activity by anti-feminists in particular to push the narrative that men are the most lonely group and that of course the reason are women. This is heavily pushed by media because people seemingly like that idea more than that gender stereotypes targeting men are potentially more at fault.
I mean, gender stereotypes still tend to be sourced by a person. It makes sense the most stretched stereotypes would come from people that don’t actually fall into the demographic themselves. You wouldn’t hear Mexicans claim “Oy mijo, we are all so lazy!”
Of course, because if men ever have it bad, it’s their own fault and of course women actually have it worse. And now you know why mortality for men is so high.
quick question, how is this any different for women?
It’s less acceptable for men to open up, it’s one of the toxic masculinity traits that harms men the most.
I think as men get older, we also tend to have less close friends than women. Or at least it sure seems to be that way for many. Saw it with my dad before we lost him last year. I see it with my brother and myself. It has brought me and my brother somewhat closer in that we text and talk more than we used to despite not living close and being pretty different personalizes.
I have a few close friends, but not male ones. I had to stop working at a young age and I feel that is when I stopped having a connection to any sort of male bonding.
But I agree, that it still seems unacceptable to open up, share feelings, and be vulnerable as a man. Probably why I have mostly had women as close friends most of my adult life.
I have to wonder about the generalized differences between men and women not helping here either.
Men can bond over problem solving or following a sport /passion. Work often helps create an environment for plenty of problem solving and sharing of sports.
Women typically share about most things and want to just be heard with their gf’s and that is a wider bandwidth to contribute to a relationship with. A listening partner to vet their feelings with often.
Men typically are either figuring out their hierarchy subconsciously and couldn’t afford to share their losses as easily. Plus most men don’t really want to hear it. Older men often don’t know how to deal with it. There’s a reason a lot of our happy places are places where we don’t seem to think like fishing, watching sports, etc
I discovered after my father passed unexpectedly from a heart attack the majority of his male friends were those with health issues that he was helping out with from rides to doctors, to money for things like medicine. He didn’t follow sports and outside of gambling didn’t really have hobbies.
I didn’t really put that together until years later when I looked back with this problem solving mindset. All those men that came up to me at his funeral were men he helped in one way or another. Some of them were going to lose some of the freedom he provided with his ability to still drive and shuttle them around. I’m not sure what friends he had outside of this dynamic during his short lived retirement. When I called his old co-workers that I knew of when I was younger to inform them of his passing often they had not seen or heard from him since they last worked together.
It’s something my lonewolf personality is going to need to address as I get older too.
So when my woman gets less attracted to me as a result of me opening up, that’s toxic masculinity at work?
Yes, good example
@intensely_human @SkyeStarfall Yes? Or rather, the *assumption* that she would is toxic masculinity. If she actually does that, she’s bought into the same toxic bullshit.
It’s toxic no matter whom it’s coming from. You *deserve* someone whom you can open up to.
More an indicator of a poor decision on a life partner.
Men and women seem to make friends differently. Men have more of a tendency to make friends through work. The change in work culture can cause these to collapse more easily. It’s particularly harsh at retirement. They not only lose their day-to-day reason to go on, but the friendship net that should help them.
By comparison, women tend to make friends independently of work. This makes their friendships more tolerant to changing jobs, or leaving work. Women also seem to be better at maintaining friendships at a distance.
Lastly, there is the (slightly controversial) glass floor. It’s the inverse of the glass ceiling. Both men and women have a bias to help women in distress over men. This makes it a lot more likely that someone will step in to help, before the downward spiral gets too deep. This is partially why men make up a large proportion of the homeless.
I’m pretty surprised by the friend-making info you shared. Do you have a source? I’d like to read more.
In terms of making friend stats I don’t know of any study’s but I do find it extremely believable from my life. My dad is probably the only man I know of to have a friend group and even then it’s just him and one other guy. Meanwhile I walk around and see women walking around exclusively in groups. I suppose it really doesn’t help that in the place I’m from socializing with coworkers is considered lazy and generally shushed.
It isn’t. When you look at studies they reveal that loneliness is very prevalent in multiple groups of people and in general. In some studies older women are the most lonely group.
Gender and Age Differences in Loneliness: Evidence for People without and with Disabilities
Gender Differences in Loneliness Over Time: A 15-Year Longitudinal Study of Men and Women in the Second Part of Life
There is much activity by anti-feminists in particular to push the narrative that men are the most lonely group and that of course the reason are women. This is heavily pushed by media because people seemingly like that idea more than that gender stereotypes targeting men are potentially more at fault.
I mean, gender stereotypes still tend to be sourced by a person. It makes sense the most stretched stereotypes would come from people that don’t actually fall into the demographic themselves. You wouldn’t hear Mexicans claim “Oy mijo, we are all so lazy!”
Of course, because if men ever have it bad, it’s their own fault and of course women actually have it worse. And now you know why mortality for men is so high.
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